Amy WW

One down, a hundred to go

2012-02-14T06:02:00.000-08:00

Today I finished an afghan. I made it with the talent, the pattern, and the yarn that I inherited from my grandmother .

There is so much yarn that I have from her. You have no idea. I might be trying to use up her yarn for the rest of my life. This particular blanket used a good percentage of the dozens of large and small balls of a variety of light blues that she had saved, a giant skein of aran, and a giant skein of frosty green.

This blanket measures approximately 5 1/2 feet by 6 1/2 feet. It's a big one, and it's super warm which has been nice because the last few days it's been cold here. Yesterday my little Buttercup started a cold, and we cuddled together under this blanket while I was working on the edging.

It's going to my sister, because when she visited me and I asked her if she wanted it, she said yes.

Sunday

2012-02-12T20:22:00.000-08:00

I had a busy day today. I learned some things, and I also learned some things about myself. Although I tend to feel overwhelmed when I look around at all there is to be done, and how big the world is, and how many people are in it, I feel like I gained a little bit of insight today.

I am grateful that I live by faith. I am so grateful that there is a plan for my life, and that I have a Creator who loves me, and loves the people I care about, and loves all people everywhere. I am so very grateful that I have a part in His plan.

When I look at a photo of the earth I get a little bit freaked out. How can I live up here in Texas and send my son, my Little Prince, all the way down to the bottom of the world to be a missionary in Argentina? It's so very, very far away. Then I remember that it isn't so much "how" I can do this, but why:

"And righteousness will I send down out of heaven; and truth will I send forth out of the earth, to bear testimony of mine Only Begotten; his resurrection from the dead; yea, and also the resurrection of all men; and righteousness and truth will I cause to sweep the earth as with a flood, to gather out mine elect from the four quarters of the earth, unto a place which I shall prepare, an Holy City, that my people may gird up their loins, and be looking forth for the time of my coming; for there shall be my tabernacle, and it shall be called Zion, a New Jerusalem." Moses 7:62

End of Week 7

2012-02-11T15:47:00.001-08:00

It's a Bountiful Basket week! This week we got:

a head of Romaine lettuce
8 Roma tomatoes
2 eggplants
1 big zucchini
4 green bell peppers
2 avocados
5 ears of corn
1 pineapple
1 quart of strawberries
3 lemons
5 apples
8 bananas

I will have to go on an online hunt for eggplant recipes.

This week for dinner we had:

stuffed shells that I had made before and stashed in the freezer
creamy broccoli/cauliflower soup that should have been but didn't actually turn out to be a hit
pork roll-ups
orange chicken and fried rice
chili
fried egg sandwiches
beef stew (from the freezer) and cornbread

The fried rice that we had with the orange chicken is a new recipe that I found on a new favorite blog. This is something I will make again and again. The orange chicken was so-so, from now on I'll just add a bottle of cooked chicken directly to the fried rice and call it dinner. Or maybe I'll call it "chicken fried rice".

This week I spent $67.84 on groceries*. Woot!

*I feel like I need to tell the whole truth about my grocery bills. The money I'm counting when I say what I spent on groceries is for breakfasts, lunches, snacks, and other things like milk, butter, eggs and sour cream. I have set aside $100 per month to stock up on meat and other things like canned/frozen vegetables or cheese when there is a great sale going somewhere, and to replenish my basic food storage. I buy ground beef, chicken, and pork in bulk when it's on sale and process it in my pressure canner. I am using lots of food from my basic food storage pretty much every day, things like:

rice
beans
oats
sugar
wheat and flour (I've been baking all our bread and have discovered it's not that much of a hassle if I just work it into my schedule on a day when I'm home for a couple hours. I like to start it first thing in the morning.)
mashed potato flakes
etc.

I'm not figuring the cost of all those items into my weekly grocery bill. If I was it would be a lot higher. My rationale for this is that we are temporarily living more frugally while all my adult children are temporarily living at home and temporarily eating up everything as fast as I can prepare it. We also are trying to pay off some debts that we owe.

The little red hen

2012-02-10T16:32:00.000-08:00

You know this story, right? The little red hen finds some wheat, plants it, tends it, harvests it and carries it to the miller to be ground into flour, then bakes it into bread. That's when all of her friends are suddenly interested in helping her. You know, because it's time to eat the bread. She tells them to take a hike while she eats it by herself.

What a story. So opposite of the wise ant who worked hard all summer and then found that he had sympathy in his heart for the foolish grasshopper who had wasted his time playing his fiddle all summer. The ant shared his food with the hungry grasshopper who then played music for the ant during the long, cold winter.

I baked bread today with flour that I ground from grains of wheat. I did not grow the wheat but I have it carefully stored away. Then I finished canning the rest of my chicken and got it all cleaned up and put away. I have 43 pints of cooked chicken in my store room.

Take that, little red hen.

I took a picture of my bottles of chicken but decided not to share it - it looks like some sort of science-experiment-gone-wrong. That's okay though. I know it will be delicious.

Books and covers and judging

2012-02-09T18:12:00.000-08:00

I was watching one of those "hoarders" shows a week ago and the lady on there had been through some pretty horrible stuff - a violent rape and the death of her child. Those two traumatic events triggered something in her to start hoarding.

While I was watching her talk about these things I realized something - I do the opposite thing for the exact same reasons.

I feel so much anxiety when things at home are grubby and disorganized because:

how will the cops get good fingerprints if everything is dirty?
how will I know if something is missing if all my possessions are in chaos or if I have so many that I don't even know what I have?
if I force myself to purge things on a regular basis then I will desensitize myself to loss and when I am forced to lose something it won't hurt so much.

If I have to suffer trauma and violence and tragic loss and then nothing can be done for me - no perpetrators identified or captured or brought to justice - because of the way I keep house then the pain and devastation become partly my fault.

I know that these messages are tricks my head plays on me. They aren't true, but they feel good to me. Just like a hoarder.

The relationship between people and their things is so complex. And just because someone looks and behaves in a way that looks "normal" and good and healthy, you never can tell what the psychology behind a person's actions really is. When they see me getting rid of things other people will make comments to me about how they really need to do that too, or that I am so good and responsible and hard-working, or something along those lines. When people respond like this it makes me feel like a poser and a fraud. I would like to respond that throwing out unnecessary things and living an organized and tidy life is natural for me, and that I am good and clean through and through. The real truth is that there is a lot of darkness and fear that motivates my behavior. I've noticed that making decisions about my possessions while I'm doing this '40 bags in 40 days' project is bringing up to the surface a lot of stuff that I usually keep deep. I have tears at the ready and a lump in my throat these days.

Even though this is my truth, and there is a little crazy behind it, I do actually love and truly prefer things clean and sparse and uncomplicated but still decorated. I love the way this pantry looks (and you can see all of her awesomeness at her blog here):

40 Bags - bags #8 -11

2012-02-07T17:18:00.000-08:00

My closet is one of the closets in the house that is not over-run with stuff.

Or so I thought.

I worked for only an hour or two and came up with 3 bags and a box full of things to get out of the house. It is old craft stuff and shoes I'll never wear again. These things went to the trash or to Goodwill, and the suitcase with a broken wheel is in the trash.

I haven't gone through my clothes yet, and there is a pile of memorabilia that must be sorted through. So much for me thinking that my closet was pretty well under control! It was, and yet I can easily take perhaps 3 more bags out of there in addition to the 4 I got rid of today.

I was thinking today about what to do with my old high school yearbooks. They seem like something I should save or maybe something other people would expect me to save, but high school was not a happy time for me at all for a lot of reasons. I don't have contact with any of the people I knew in high school, nor do I really want to, and so I think I will throw the yearbooks out and just try to forget about it and move on with my life. Why keep something that brings back unhappy memories? The organizing and de-cluttering blogs and articles I've been reading say to keep things that bring beauty and comfort to your home and your life. In other words, if you don't love it, get rid of it. All of which rings true with something I learned from looking around at the home of a friend several years ago, where I first got inspired to bring peace and tranquility into my home by carefully choosing what items to keep in my home. I realized that I wanted to only own those things that are:

useful -meaning that I or some other person who lives with me actually do use it, like clothes that fit, for example.
beautiful -meaning that it adds loveliness to the atmosphere in our home rather than detracts from it.
functional - meaning that it is in good repair, isn't missing any pieces, etc.

My old high school yearbooks don't fit any of those criteria. Out they go.

Today I canned chicken. We had run out, and boneless, skinless breasts were on sale at one of the grocery stores in town. I still have more to do tomorrow. It's a bit of work up front, but so much easier in the long run, not to mention that if I have it in my storage, I don't have to buy it when it's not on sale!

End of Week 6

2012-02-06T05:45:00.000-08:00

Last week I spent $95.16 in the grocery store. I went over my budget by quite a bit, and that doesn't include some meals that we either ate out or brought in. I don't know what happened, other than that I kind of lost some of my momentum and diligence and good attitude. I think that will happen from time to time, and the only thing I can think to do about it is try to get right back on that horse this week.

Last week for dinner we had:

grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup
tacos
stuffed shells
bieroc (cabbage, rice, and meat wrapped up in bread)
take-out pizza - paid for by the kids!
take-out chicken nuggets and fries
leftovers

In January I spent $375 and some change on groceries. In November 2011* I spent $800.06 in the grocery store. It's obvious to me from my comparison that it is easier to keep a handle on the grocery budget by using a menu plan with a grocery list and then paying cash at the register rather than my debit card. I plan to keep doing that. Even if I lose my grip on it a little bit like I did last week, the damage overall is minimal and the difference is huge.

One great thing I've also noticed in the last month about making a menu is that we don't tend to eat the same thing over and over. I don't like having the same 10 things for dinner. Sometimes I just get sick to death of eating the same thing for dinner that I had last week and the week before that and that week before that. The funny thing is that when I'm sitting down to make the week's menu I can't think of anything I know how to make - I end up looking online and in my recipe books for ideas and come up with something new. The stuffed shells we had last week are a good example - I had never made them before, and although it's basically noodles, cheese, and sauce it was in a new format, and therefore different than the regular old spaghetti I know how to make. (And that my Mr. Dub is not all that crazy about!) Planning ahead and making a menu is smart - it creates more choices for you instead of fewer choices. The question, "What's for dinner?" doesn't sound like the tolling of a death bell. It's like a miracle. Who knew?!?!?!

*The reason I picked November to compare to is because in December we have lots of family birthdays and Christmas when we have special foods and extra grocery expenses. I will plan to budget for those special occasions in the future. November and January are "normal" months for us.

Peace

2012-02-05T19:29:00.000-08:00

Where Can I Turn for Peace? Hymns, #129

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease
To make me whole?
When with a wounded heart,
Anger, or malice
I draw myself apart
Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know,
Where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand
To calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane,
Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds
For my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.

40 Bags - bags #2-7

2012-02-04T10:17:00.000-08:00

We worked in Jake's room today. We went through all the clothes in his closet including the hand-me-down boxes, and through all his dresser drawers. We also sorted through his toys, and he made the choice to pass along all his Imaginext toys. In total we are giving away 3 bags of clothes and 3 boxes of toys. If I give away the equivalent of 6 bags on one day, does that mean that I can take the next 5 days off? Maybe, but I feel like I'm on a roll!

Getting rid of the Imaginext toys has made me kind of sad. It feels pivotal. I have good memories of looking for them and buying them for Jake at birthdays and Christmases, and he has had such great fun playing with them. Getting rid of them means that Jake is growing up, and I'm not even really sad that he is growing up, because that's actually quite awesome. I guess I'm a little sad because it means that our family has moved on from one phase to another. We don't have any more small children. That is all behind us now. What the future holds we can only guess.

We do have Buttercup and she's awesome. And of course we expect that there will be more grandchildren to come along. But the Imaginext set-up isn't something that I want to have to deal with as a Grammie. All those little pieces to keep up with and save from being swallowed? No thanks. That's a mom job, not a Grammie job.

There is a lot more room now in Jake's bedroom. I think when I'm all done with my de-cluttering I'll give you a home tour on my blog.

40 Bags - bag #1

2012-02-03T08:27:00.000-08:00

I am drowning in stuff over here. It's seriously affecting my quality of life. I think most people walking into our home wouldn't automatically think,"Wow, they have so many things!" but it's still too much for me to feel comfortable in. I feel jittery, anxious, and nervous when I'm trying to relax in my home. I feel claustrophobic and overwhelmed and like there is no place for the eye to rest.

I've been looking over de-cluttering and organizing blogs and websites and trying to figure out what I can do to get more happy when I'm in my home. There's a lot of information out there, and I've whittled it down to a manageable task.

I found an idea online that was called "40 Bags in 40 Days". The idea is that you get rid of a trash-bag full of stuff every day for 40 days. I think 40 is an arbitrary number but it has a sort of style that I like. I'm going to do this.

The rules I've invented for this project:

A bag can be filled with trash or donate items. I don't have to fill a bag of each every time. And I'm not saving things for a garage sale - a garage sale is more work, not less, and I'd have to keep all the stuff in preparation for the theoretical "garage sale day" in the future. This defeats my purpose which is to get it out of here.
I only have to do one bag in a day. When the bag is full I can stop working and do something else.
I don't have to fill a bag every day. I can take a day off when I feel like it. If I fill two bags on one day, that counts as two days.
I will take everything out of a space and then put back only the things I'm going to keep. I think this will help me when I'm making decisions. I would rather feel like I'm choosing things to keep rather than choosing things to get rid of.
I'm not going to get crazy about deep-cleaning or painting the areas that I'm working on. That's not what this project is about. I will wipe out/dust drawers and shelves, and vacuum closets and rooms as I go. That's it.
I'm not going to try to convince myself that 40 bags is all it will take to get this place in ship-shape. If I have to do another "40-Bags in 40 Days" I will. But for now I'm focusing on the first 40 bags only.

Today I started with my desk - a known and continuous source of anxiety. I took everything out of three drawers, working on one drawer at a time, fixed the hanging file rod that has been driving me crazy for years, and made fresh folders and categories. I think this will help me find things more easily. One thing I realized is that I don't know where Jake's shot record is. I made a file for Jake that has his important papers in it, and when going through the big pile of stuff from the drawer his shot record wasn't there. I have looked in all my usual stash-spots. Not there. I'm upset and worried. I remember that I had it out last summer when I had to show it to the school nurse. I keep having pictures flash through my head of where I've seen it - I think they are imaginary because according to my memory I've seen it everywhere from the top of the refrigerator to the napkin cubbyhole in my car. What happens to you and your kid if you lose his shot record?

I shredded a bunch of old tax records and bills. I threw away a ton of paper from my files because I realized something huge: just because something is valuable information doesn't mean I have to be the keeper of it. I'm sure it is all available on the internet, and even if it isn't, I haven't used the majority of the information in my file drawers up to this point anyway. It's not like I'm 20 years old or just starting out. I'm on the wrong side of 45, and I've been married for nearly 23 years. If I haven't used that information by now, I'm pretty sure I can manage to live just fine without it. I'm telling you, it was an epiphany.

One of the tips I read online was that when you are deciding where to put things you ask yourself, "When I need this, where will I look for it?" and I know that when I need generic information about, for example, food storage or home decor, I always look online before I look in my files. Unless there's a hurricane and the power is out. Which is why I kept some basic info in my files - first aid instructions, how to turn off the utilities, etc.

There is a fourth drawer in my desk but I'm tired of doing this for today and I've filled up my one trash bag. That means today is a success! The other drawer is there for another day.

*Note to self: stop picking up all the handouts when you go to emergency preparedness fairs. Stop tearing pretty pictures out of home decorating magazines. You don't need these things in your files. It's all online.

I'll tell you a secret

2012-02-02T11:12:00.000-08:00

Well, maybe it's not a secret. Maybe it's quite obvious to everybody by the look on my face when I am confronted with the source of my fear.

I'm afraid of little dogs.

Actually quite terrified by them. Big dogs make me nervous but seem gentler and more predictable than little dogs. Big dogs go on about their business. If a big dog is walking down the street, it doesn't get up in your face just because you happen to be walking down the street too. They settle down when there's nothing to be excited about. If you are dumb enough to get up in its business, sure, a big dog will take you down. But generally a big dog doesn't want to kill you if he doesn't have to. I think it's because generally people treat their big dogs like dogs.

People treat their little dogs like babies, though. I think that messes up the minds of the little dogs. It makes them psycho. Little dogs are mean. Bitey. Growly. Snarly. Little dogs totally freak out over what seems to be nothing, or maybe it's just that those things are invisible to humans. You can't walk by a little dog, or the home of a little dog, without it going all crazy/psycho/nuts on you. It'll try to kill you if it can.

Little dogs are scary. People who own little dogs say that they are sweet and lovable and gentle. And maybe those dogs are exactly that to those people. To everyone else though, you can see it in their little beady eyes - "I'll kill you if I can".

I love my blog.

2012-01-31T20:42:00.001-08:00

I really do.

One thing I like to do with my blog is check the site meter. This little gadget lets me know what pages people are visiting. When I go to check out that page to see what my visitors are looking at, I get to read what I once wrote.

It's good for my self-esteem. I like me.

I have the usual number of faults and bad characteristics, just like everybody. It's true that I do try to focus on the good and the pleasant and the happy and peaceful when I'm writing my blog. It's true that there are lots of times in my real life when people make me feel small or stupid or unsure of myself. It's true that sometimes I am small and stupid and unsure of myself all on my own, without any help from anybody.

But when it's just me and I'm left to myself, I like me. My blog reminds me of that.

yeasted cornbread

2012-01-30T06:08:00.000-08:00

I found this recipe, sort of, on allrecipes.com. The online recipe is geared toward a bread machine which is something I don't have.

I used to have one but then I got rid of it.

It was given to me by an old lady from church. She (and her husband) were moving out of their lovely home and in with one of their children and were consequently unburdening themselves of most of their possessions. She was so generous with me, I think because I had been kind to her, and I have a few of her kitchen things. They aren't marked in any way, but they are known to me. I remember her with fondness and gratitude every time I use one of them.

So there wasn't any guilt in getting rid of the bread machine. I wanted it at first, but then after I had it for awhile I realized that it was too big to live on my kitchen counter, and took up a lot of real estate in a cabinet. And because I rarely used it - it made only one loaf at a time - I sent it back out into the universe. I hope someone somewhere has it and loves it.

(The nice thing about having my own blog is that I can write all the random thoughts and back-story about anything at all and I don't have to get to "it" immediately. "It" being a bread recipe, in this particular instance. The recipe follows. Eventually. Feel free to skip down to the bottom and bypass completely the drivel and endless explanations.)

I was looking online for a bread recipe that uses cornmeal. I have popcorn kernels in my food storage, and although I like regular popped popcorn that you eat out of a bowl while watching a movie, making it once or twice a year like I do doesn't exactly justify having 200 lbs. of kernels sitting in my spare room. I ground some into cornmeal to make cornbread, but again, even though that's the express purpose for which it was purchased, cornbread isn't something that I make so often. Usually just when we are having homemade soup or chili. I may have gotten a little carried away when I bought all that corn but it's ours now, and I wanted a recipe that would help us eat all this corn in my own lifetime.

So here it is. I have tweaked it from the original to suit it to my own needs - no bread machine, and preferences - no trans fats or fresh milk. Feel free to change it around to suit yours.

Yeasted cornbread

In a large mixing bowl combine:

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup cornmeal
1/4 cup dry milk
5 teaspoons dry yeast

In a microwave-safe dish combine:

2 1/4 cups water
6 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons salt
6 tablespoons butter

and microwave on high power for a minute or two until butter is starting to melt and water is about 115 degrees F. How long exactly depends on how cold your water and butter are when you start, right? The mixture should feel warm but not hot. Pour it into the dry ingredients and beat for 30 seconds. Add:

2 eggs

Beat on medium-high speed for 3 minutes. At this point I change the paddle attachment to the dough hook on my stand mixer. Then slowly add:

4-5 cups all-purpose flour, one cup at a time

and knead for 5-8 minutes until dough is smooth and elastic, and cleans the side of the bowl. Pull dough out of the bowl, knead it by hand on a floured surface for a minute or two to refresh your hand-kneading skills and to revel in the experience, then oil the bowl, put the dough back into the bowl, and turn the dough over inside the bowl so that the top side is oiled. Cover with plastic wrap and let rest for an hour or so until it has doubled in size. Punch dough down, divide and shape into 4 loaves. Cover the loaves and let rise until dough has doubled again. Bake at 375 degrees F for 25-30 minutes. Loaves are done with they are a deep golden brown color and sound hollow when tapped on the bottom. I have 8x4x4 pans, so they are on the small side. If I was using 9x5x4 pans I would divide the dough into only three loaves and bake them a bit longer.

I like this bread because it has the slightly gritty texture of the corn. The flavor and crumb are very good. It slices well for toast or sandwiches. My Pretty Girl says she likes this bread better than my other bread. Which is plain ol' Honey Wheat Bread. Which I may go on and on about on my blog at some other time.

End of Week 5

2012-01-29T08:36:00.000-08:00

This week for dinner we had:

boiled dinner (kielbasa, red potatoes, cabbage)
chicken Caesar salad
meatloaf, mushroom risotto, and green beans with a country pear tart for dessert
spaghetti and garlic bread
Eggs Benedict and sliced oranges
beef stew with yeasted corn bread and apple pie

This week was the first time I've ever poached an egg or made hollandaise sauce. It was easy and I'm not sure why I've never made eggs Benedict before. I found a recipe for the pear tart in a cookbook I have, and it called for a browned butter crust which I've never heard of or noticed in the book before. It wasn't so noticeably different from regular pie crust and I don't think I'll bother with it again.

Short story: Making the browned butter crust involved browning some butter in a saucepan and letting it firm back up again in the refrigerator before cutting it into the flour. My family was greatly disturbed at the sight of a cooking pot in the refrigerator. At least three of them asked quite urgently, "Why is there a pan in the refrigerator?" They're funny.

The mushroom risotto was so delicious. Here's how I made it:

5-6 cups beef stock
2 tbsp. butter
2 tbsp. olive oil
1/2 an onion, finely chopped
6-8 button mushrooms, finely chopped
1 1/2 cups arborio rice
some grated or shredded Parmesan cheese (a handful or so)
about 2 tbsp. finely chopped parsley

I heat the stock in a separate pan and keep it hot - nearly simmering - while I'm working. Melt the butter in the oil in a big saute pan. Saute the onions and mushrooms on medium heat for a few minutes until the onion begins to look more transparent. Add the dry rice and continue to saute for another 2 or 3 minutes. Begin adding the hot stock a cup or so at a time and stir mostly continuously until the liquid is absorbed. (Don't bother with a ladle. Just use a pot with a handle and pour the stock into the saute pan.) Add another cup of stock and stir until liquid is absorbed, repeating this step and stirring pretty much constantly for about 20-25-30 minutes until the rice is done. The directions on the rice box say it only takes 20 minutes. It almost always takes me 30. It is done when the rice is cooked through and there are no hard centers in the rice grains. One way I can tell that it's done is that the rice releases a starch and the sauce becomes creamy instead of watery, and the rice/sauce sort of gathers itself together so that it will stay on a fork rather than drip through it. The rice should still be firm but not crunchy. Remove from the heat and stir in the cheese until it's melted. Stir in the parsley. This is SO good. There were no leftovers.

We tried some new things for dinner this week. They were all winners. I am not at all a fan of mushrooms but I've discovered if I chop them up small enough they don't bother me. Since I had some in my Bountiful Basket a couple weeks ago, I felt like I should use them. I didn't think they weren't awful, and everyone else loved having mushrooms in stuff.

This week I spent $72.67 on groceries. I have containers of beef stew stashed in the freezer - enough for two family dinners - and enough leftover ingredients to make eggs Benedict for three people.

Today I think I'll...

2012-01-28T07:51:00.000-08:00

cook!

I felt like cooking when I woke up this morning, and although I enjoy cooking I hardly ever feel like I'd rather do that than something else. So happy day for my family!

It's good too, because today was Bountiful Basket day. In this week's basket is:

8 Fuji apples
8 bananas
1 quart strawberries
6 navel oranges
3 grapefruits
8 onions (which includes a few extra from my bff D. Because D doesn't do onions.)
5 baking potatoes
3 broccoli crowns
1 cauliflower
1 pint cherry tomatoes
1 head of romaine lettuce

I still had some produce left over from last time so cooking had to be done to clear out the old stuff in order to make room in the fridge for the new. I've baked an apple pie already this morning with the rest of the apples from last time, and started some beef stew. The beef stew used up the remainder of a big bottle of V-8 juice that needed to go, 8 or so button mushrooms, two onions, the last of a head of garlic, a couple of tomatoes, plus celery and carrots that I bought at the grocery store.

I still have half a head of cabbage (which I will use to make bieroc later today) and some blackberries which will become gelato. I found a recipe in one of my cookbooks for gelato and I'm excited about trying it. I need cream and rock salt before I can start.

Since I started getting these baskets I've been wondering how long fresh produce sits in trucks and warehouses before the grocery store sets it out for sale. My mushrooms, tomatoes and blackberries are still good and they've been in my fridge for two weeks. Things like that from the store only last a day or two before I have to use them, or what usually happens is that it goes bad before I get to it and I have to throw it out.

When I bring home my bountiful basket I feel rich. I see all these good things to eat, and I look around at my home and my family. I feel fortunate that I have the skills and the time and other resources to make it all into meals that will benefit my family.

It's abundance. It's blessedness. I'm grateful.

End of Week 4

2012-01-25T19:42:00.001-08:00

I think I skipped a week blogging about my weekly menu and grocery shopping. I had a busy weekend last week and just didn't get to it. We did eat, and I did buy groceries. Here are the stats:

Salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, carrot coins
chicken fajitas
chili and cornbread
chicken, spinach, and pesto lasagna with garlic bread
rotisserie chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans
a couple of nights eating leftovers

I spent $77.39 at the store, and still have:

some frozen chicken breasts,
some turkey pepperoni ( because I never made the pizza we were going to have one night),
plenty of lunch meat and sliced cheese for lunches,
and lots of cereal and eggs for breakfast.

What I've noticed is that groceries are so expensive! I'm trying to not use my debit card but to instead pay cash for all the items that I buy. Careful meal planning and paying cash are keeping my grocery bills down but I don't know if I really can do it for $10 a day. It was an arbitrary number that I picked out of the air - I made no effort to look back and see what I had been buying/spending ahead of time. It has eliminated my careless way of buying groceries, which was to see what was on sale and go get those things, and along the way put a lot of other random things into my grocery cart because they looked good, never really noticing what I was spending on groceries other than a sinking feeling in my stomach looking at my bank balance going down, down, down every day. Now I am making a list and sticking to my list. If I decide to vary from the weekly menu when I'm at home staring into the fridge, the ingredients come from what we have on hand instead of another trip to the grocery store. So even if I'm a bit over $75 each week, I think it is still progress.

There are exceptions. I'm okay with that though. Not only am I trying to be more frugal, I could stand to be a little more flexible. Saturday was a busy and long day for me, so we bought the rotisserie chicken when I was really too tired to do anything else. It was a big, very delicious bird, and fed us all dinner one night, and was leftovers for a couple people the next night. When I do go to the grocery store for additional items, I make a list and stick to that list. No more random shopping.

I think next week I will post a month's worth of grocery totals to compare January with previous months. Then I'll have something concrete to look at for those times when I need to get myself back on track.

Rubber band, anyone?

2012-01-23T19:43:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard the advice to keep a rubber band around your wrist and snap yourself when you realize you're having negative thoughts? I guess it's supposed to make you associate physical pain with those thoughts and unconsciously train your brain to stay away from that line of thinking. Is that right? I don't know. Behavior modification techniques always seem kind of silly to me.

Anyway, remember one of my new year's resolutions to have as the foundation of my interaction with other people to be that they are smart, kind and important? I remember it. I do. I am remembering it when I am actually talking to other people, and when I'm considering saying "hello" to someone that I know and happen to see accidentally, like in the grocery store or something (which is a thing I find very hard to do).

And yet these are the kinds of things I find myself thinking about strangers throughout the day:

Dolt!
Dork!
Idiot!
Putz!
Shmuck!
Moron!

Most of the time these smart, kind and important strangers are guilty only of being in front of me, or are in some way blocking or delaying my left turn, merge, or attempt at parking. Or causing me some other sort of inconvenience.

(But seriously, people, is it SO hard to have your things ready to go before it's your turn in the bank's drive-thru lane? Why do you wait until you're in the #1 position to find a pen, endorse your paycheck, and fill out a deposit slip?)

While I do catch myself thinking these unjust, road-ragey thoughts, I haven't yet figured out how to stop them from coming. Snapping my wrist with a rubber band seems painful and unpleasant.

There must be a better way. I do want to change my thoughts about other people. I know it can be done. Probably my heart has to change before my thoughts will.

I will work on figuring out how to love and respect strangers who get in my way or annoy me for no good or apparent reason. So far, it's very hard.

What I think about Suze

2012-01-20T07:38:00.001-08:00

I recorded, and subsequently watched, Suze Orman's new show "Money Class".

I was less than impressed.

She makes a big deal about what she calls "standing in your truth". About how what you have - the brand of your clothing, your cars, furniture, vacations, etc. - doesn't have anything to do with who you really are. Who you really are is manifested in your kindness, your courage, your integrity, your good heart, your artistic soul, your whatever. And so forth.

Which sounds all great and everything. But then she goes on to tell people that the last thing you should pay when money is tight are your credit card bills. The most important debt that you should pay off is your student loan debt. Why? Because you can't get rid of student loan debt by declaring bankruptcy. You still have to pay it off. Next in the order of importance is mortgage and car loans because the lien holders can take those things away from you if you don't make your payments. And you still have to put gas in the gas tank and food in your belly. You have to keep the electricity and other utilities going. Credit card bills are "unsecured" debt so nothing can happen to you if you don't pay them.

One lady Suze interviewed had made a deal with the bank that held her mortgage. She needed to reduce her payments because she had lost her job and her bank cooperated with her and she was able to stay in her home. Because she remained unemployed for a long time she was now having trouble making even the drastically reduced payment. Her bank was now talking about foreclosure, and this, understandably, was a great sorrow to the lady. Suze asked her what her original loan amount was - $209,000. She asked what other condos in her building were currently going for - $100-150,000. (Hello, real estate bust!) Suze advised her that her best bet was to let the bank foreclose on her, "repair" her credit, and come back in a few years and buy another condo at half price.

What in the world do these things have to do with "standing in your truth"? How are you truthful or integrous when you buy merchandise on credit or sign a loan with a bank, and then decide it's in your best interest to un-shoulder these burdens? People realize that these debts don't just disappear, right? They get passed on to everybody else. Maybe you are feeling a great burden lifted off your shoulders, but everyone else's burden just got a little more weighty. But hey, as long as you feel better, right?

What's the moral difference between government bailouts of big corporations and people defaulting on their mortgages, car notes, and unsecured debts?

You is kind.

2012-01-16T05:37:00.000-08:00

You is smart. You is important.

I watched the movie "The Help" last week. One of the main characters in the book is Aibileen, a black maid who tends the children of the white families she works for. In spite of the hideous way she is treated by the white, female mother, Aibileen gently and insistently tells her child this: You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

I gave a talk in church on New Year's Day. My assignment was to give "a leader's message for the new year" to the ward. Which made me feel a lot of anxiety and pressure. I mean, I am a leader in the congregation - it says so right in the church bulletin every Sunday - but to me that means that I have extra responsibility, not additional insight or skills. And certainly not an agenda or anything like that. So coming up with "a message for the new year" for everyone else felt like a hardship. After a night spent tossing and turning and praying for guidance I did come up with one, and it is to have love as your motivation for the things you do in your life. In everything from setting new year's resolutions to repenting of your sins to interacting with other people.

"You is kind. You is smart. You is important." What would be different in my life if I started with that as the truth about everyone I interact with each day? And then added love for them from my side? Although the most obvious message in the book and the movie is that Aibileen is a wonderful and selfless person who is loving and generous in spite of the persecution and fear present in her life, the underlying message, for me at least, is that love and unselfishness is the only way to eliminate persecution and violence in the world.

So even though it is unselfish to offer love in return for unkindness, it's really the only way to change the world for the better for yourself. It's like Minny says in The Help, "You think they gonna make a law that say you gotta be nice to your maid?"

Mother Teresa said, "Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier."

Starting with the idea that people are kind, smart, and important. Having love as my motivation to make the world better. Making it real, and not just an ideal. Believing that I can do all things, even these things, through Christ, which strengthens me. It's going to be a big year.

End of Week 3

2012-01-15T20:38:00.000-08:00

This week for dinner we had:

sloppy joes and french fries
spinach, bacon, and roasted red pepper quiche
spaghetti
a casserole-style dinner with rice, cheese, salsa, and chicken
a celebratory dinner out
and a couple of nights where people fended for themselves or ate leftovers

I spent $85.76 this week on groceries - a little more than I had budgeted for but I still have quite a bit of food left over that will be used next week. I think it will take me a while to figure out how to not stock up at the store when I'm shopping. I am getting the hang of not going to the store all the time, and only paying cash for things. I am beginning to love living on cash, but I'm still carrying my debit MasterCard around because it feels kind of dangerous to not have it with me. What if I needed it? I ask myself why I would need it, and although there are reasons I think the danger of reckless spending because I have the card is more likely than me needing my debit card because I had an emergency on the way to the grocery store or the post office. It's kind of ridiculous that I am on the wrong side of 45 years old and still don't quite have a handle on self-discipline when it comes to spending money. Although I think I am pretty good at it, there is still much room for improvement and I admit that I get a sort of thrill from shopping, even though I don't enjoy it. I just have to keep telling myself that spending money doesn't fill any kind of emotional or mental void. I know in my head that it doesn't. But it actually kind of does, although it's very short-lived. I haven't been practicing this way of spending long enough to see any big rewards but I'm not giving up, and the small successes are helping me stay on track.

In my Bountiful Basket this week I got:

two giant heads of romaine lettuce
a classically beautiful head of cabbage (seriously, where do they get this gorgeous food?)
4 big slicing tomatoes
5 avocados
1 basket of button mushrooms
8 bananas
12 or so gala apples
6 oranges
4 or 5 lemons
4 bosc pears
2 pints blackberries

All that for $15. (The extra head of romaine and pint of blackberries I got because my Little Prince and I volunteered at the drop site - you get a prize when you work.)

Week 2

2012-01-07T20:49:00.000-08:00

of the Great Grocery Challenge of 2012.

This week for dinner we had:

baked potatoes
pork roll-ups ( a quick dinner that is sort of like a taco but not Tex-Mex)
cheesy potato/carrot/ham soup and apple crisp
roast chicken with sweet and spicy sweet potatoes and steamed green beans
Parmesan risotto with chicken and green beans
chicken Caesar salad and sliced oranges
light chicken Alfredo over linguine and salad

I spent $44.11 at the grocery store this week, mostly on juice and Gatorade, and a few things for our New Year's Eve party. I notice that we've eaten a lot of chicken this week - I roasted a whole chicken one afternoon and stripped all the meat off of it after dinner that night. It lasted quite a while. There were lots of green beans and oranges in my Bountiful Basket last month that we are still working through! Bountiful Baskets is next Saturday - I still have onions, green beans, and oranges left from last time. By the end of next week I'm sure they will be gone.

I have determined that I am going to have a budget of $100 per month to restock my freezer, pantry and shelves. That way I won't find myself completely out of everything at some point. I will use this $100 to take advantage of good weekly grocery sales. I am still baking bread every few days and my family is still eating it up. I'm sure it's not cost-effective to bake bread, but since I already own the ingredients I figure it's already paid for and we might as well eat it, right?

I've noticed this week that trying to keep a tight grip on the grocery budget has had the added benefit of making me use up food that I have in the house instead of going to the store and spending money for something different. Also, I haven't been making a ton of food for dinner each night - basically only what I think we'll eat that night with maybe one serving for leftovers. These two things add up to a lot less food waste in the last two weeks than normal. Yes!

To make pork roll-ups I use my bottled boneless pork loin chunks that I processed in my pressure canner over the summer. I drain them well and heat in a dry skillet, adding salt and pepper (because I canned it without any seasoning). I mix some thinly sliced green onions with some grape tomatoes that I cut in half, and add a dressing made of red wine vinegar, olive oil, salt, pepper, and finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley. Put a few pork chunks in a warmed flour tortilla and top with the tomato mixture. Roll it up like a soft taco. Super good!

It's winter...

2012-01-06T07:41:00.000-08:00

...but it sure doesn't feel like it.

No matter. It has to be cold for at least a day or two eventually. I finally finished knitting a scarf and an adorable ear-flap hat for my niece C. I can't wait for her to see it!

The hat - oh my goodness. A bigger kid who belongs to a friend of mine was trying it on yesterday and I couldn't believe how cute it is. I see myself making lots more of these!

peace

2012-01-05T07:02:00.001-08:00

I love how there are people in this world who exude tranquility. I possess a certain kind of peace that comes from inside me but if you chanced to meet me you would never, upon describing our interaction to someone else, call me "serene". You wouldn't say to your friends, "Let me tell you about this incredibly serene person I met yesterday".

You just wouldn't.

I am pretty okay with that. Sort of. I wish I was gentle and tranquil and serene but I'm not. Calm and gentleness don't lay easy on my tongue. I may have those feelings from time to time, but not on a regular basis and certainly not spontaneously or when required. In fact, at the exact moment when I most need to feel tranquil and filled with love, that is usually the very moment when I feel frustrated, agitated, and flustered instead. Maybe a little angry too, just to make it interesting.

I wonder how people do that. Were they born this way, or did they learn it? If you can learn a thing like serenity, do you have to practice it all the time or does it become second nature to you?

However it happens, I'm glad people like that exist and that I run into one of them once in a while. It's a gift, like a breath of fresh air.

New Year's resolution

2012-01-02T08:11:00.000-08:00

To take care of things more promptly. I am usually pretty good about getting things done eventually, but procrastination is a problem for me. These are the things that get to me:

The three serving items (from a wedding that was months ago) that belong to other people that are still in the trunk of my car waiting to be returned. This is something that can be taken care of in less than 30 minutes and only involves me driving the items over to their rightful homes so you might think maybe it doesn't belong on a resolution list, but there are so many things just like this in my life - recycling the giant pile of newspapers by the front door, putting away the last few random items from a trip to the store, taking the books back to the library on time. The list could really go on forever. Why do I not do these things immediately instead of adding them to the list of Things I Have To Remember?
The confusing, cluttery pile that is my desk. I am going to clear it off once a week instead of once every two weeks. I am going to do this every Monday morning because I am usually home and otherwise unoccupied on Monday mornings. The thing about my desk is that I put stuff there that has to be dealt with. Things that need to be filed, or shredded, or paid, or resolved in some way. Sometimes I don't know what to do with an item and it will sit there for weeks or maybe months. And walking by the messy desk, as I do multiple times every day, and seeing it and knowing that all that awaits me adds to my anxiety.
Mending and other kinds of repairs. Clothing, closet doors, holes in walls, loose screws, etc. Since I'm already baring my soul in this post I will tell you two of them - a pile of mending that has been sitting on my bathroom counter for over a month. It might have even been there for two months. And the door to the laundry closet that only needs to be glued, clamped and allowed to dry. The actual repair time would take ten minutes. It could dry overnight, and then I could have the door back on my laundry closet the next day instead of propped against the wall in the upstairs hallway which is where it's been for the better part of an entire year. Why do I make myself learn to work around these things instead of just fixing them? It's beyond ridiculous.
Correspondence. I love sending cards and letters to people and it's only because I don't take the time to sit down and do it that I don't do it more often. I have in my possession all the beautiful cards and letters (and the envelopes they came in so I have the right addresses!) that people who care about me and my family sent to us for Christmas. I am going to write each of them a note or letter expressing my love and appreciation for them. I will work through the whole stack by January 31. I will spend time on Sunday mornings doing this, and also whenever I remember to work on it during the week. I am going today to buy stamps for this project.

I think getting a grip on this will help me make my life easier, happier, and more pleasant. It has to, right? Living a life where things are taken care of, put away, uncluttered, and in good repair and where free time is actually free instead of filled with anxiety about all the unfinished tasks? It sounds blissful to me.

Thoughts on changes for a New Year

2012-01-01T06:59:00.001-08:00

The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The end of Week 1

2011-12-31T07:25:00.001-08:00

for the Great Grocery Challenge of 2012 (even though it's not 2012 yet). My goal is to spend no more than $10 per day (although I have given myself $75 per week) on groceries/food. I think the extra $5 will be spent on going out for food or treats.

We had a little hiccup this week. I think it has the potential to happen quite regularly and is something we will have to figure out to every one's satisfaction. When I announced I was going to the store Mr. Dub wanted to go with me. I specifically told him what was on my grocery list - and he is aware of the budget plan so I can't say he just didn't know - but when we got to the store things started going in the cart that weren't on my list. There was a mild disagreement that ended when he declared that he would pay for the groceries that were in the cart. The total came to $29 and change, but the items that were on my list amounted to $12.57 and that is what I'm counting for my budget because I wouldn't have bought the extras if I'd been alone at the store. Another time I went to the store this week I spent $6.96 on groceries.

So the grand total for this week is $19.53 at the grocery store. I feel good about that but not 100% because of the tinge of lingering discomfort over the tiff with Mr. Dub. It was food that he bought, but not food that we needed - just things that he wanted. I will always add the items to my weekly grocery list that are for him that he likes to have on hand, but I will try to not have him go to the store with me on a regular basis. I usually do my shopping while he's at work, but he's been taking vacation days from work for a couple of weeks.

Overall I think that this week is not typical of how it will go. I have had extra people in the house eating and going to the store with me because of Christmas break. And like I mentioned before I have lots of fresh food in the house right now - plenty of meat, cheese, and produce - so I haven't had to buy any of that. Two things that I feel like I'm going to have to get used to are staying out of the store by making do with what I have on hand, and cooking more of our meals completely from scratch. I've made bread twice this week (in my new bread pans!) which is something I enjoy but usually talk myself out of doing because of the time involved. Maybe this challenge will help me slow down my life and do things with more intent which would be a nice thing for me.

Dinners we ate this week:

tacos
beef enchiladas and mexican rice
grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup
cheesy chicken/broccoli/rice casserole and green beans
homemade pizza with pepperoni and veggies
spaghetti

and one night where everyone got their own dinner - sandwiches or chili or leftovers. We will have to find the happy medium where I am not spending a lot of money on extras at the store and everyone still gets at least some of the things they want.

Especially my good Mr. Dub.

In no particular order...

2011-12-30T10:06:00.000-08:00

...these are the movies that came out this year, and that I hope to see in 2012 (either in the dollar movie theater or on DVD for free from the library):

Meek's Cutoff
The Help
Hugo
The Artist
A Dangerous Method
Certified Copy
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
The Descendants
The Tree of Life
Melancholia

Did you see any of them in a theater? How was it? Have you read any of the books? I've only read The Help from this list, but I've put a few of the others on my requested list at the library.

The grocery budget

2011-12-27T17:53:00.000-08:00

I'm making a goal for 2012 to spend $10 or less per day on food for the family. I haven't tried it yet to see if it works, and I don't know yet if I'll be able to include cleaning products/toiletries/other essentials in that $10. I won't know if I can do it or not until I try it.

The thing is that we already have so much food in the house (both "long-term storage" items and a full refrigerator/freezer and pantry) that I think I can get away with spending less than $10 a day for quite a while. Maybe a month or more. I'm not going to count the cost of items that I already own in the $10. I'm only counting money that I spend in the store starting from yesterday, December 26, 2011.

I will try to remember to blog about it on Saturdays - what I spent on groceries during the week, how I feel about that, what we ate during the week, etc. It will be a change for me, because for the past several years I have been doing the grocery shopping by stocking up on things (for example, buying six months worth of spaghetti sauce) when they went on sale and I won't be able to do as much of that. Now I'll be setting a weekly budget and planning on buying things only for that week. Hopefully it will be fun for me, and I'll get a chance to do some creative menu-planning utilizing some of the food we already own. A happy consequence of this is that it will be a good way to see if I'm storing the right food items for my family.

Gail Vaz Oxlade says that unless you write it down you have no way to track what you spent your cash on. Blogging about it will hopefully help me not only keep track of my spending, but stop me from mindlessly spending money at the store for things that are nice to have but not really necessities.

The truth is that I've spent too much money at the store this year and for the past few years. I want to get us completely debt-free, and tightening up our variable expenses is the place I'm starting. Although I say I don't like shopping, there is definitely both a sort of thrill and a sense of security for me that comes from spending money. I've actually added it up, and in November I spent over $1000 in Walmart and other grocery stores. I have no idea if that was all food because I didn't keep track, but I know it's typical of a usual month. If I can cut that amount even in half, that's $500 a month. In my opinion that is a substantial amount to add to our debt payments each month. And we have a LOT of debt.

You know your husband is a...

2011-12-25T19:56:00.000-08:00

... keeper when you irresponsibly leave your camera in Sweden and he gets you another one, an even better one, for Christmas.

I love my Mr. Dub. He doesn't hold my screw-ups against me.

Do you ever worry...

2011-12-19T13:21:00.000-08:00

... about the two big "E"s? I'm talking about the Economy and the Environment, of course.

I've been reading some blogs about frugal living lately, and one of the big categories in a house and budget that suck money and resources is cleaning supplies, specifically paper products. Every single day in my house we use:

paper napkins
paper towels
paper diapers
and paper... well... just regular plain ol' paper.

Since I'm a grandmother and not a young mother there is no way that I'm going to deal with cloth diapers. Actually what I'm not going to deal with is the rinsing and the wringing and the soaking in the diaper pail that is an unavoidable part of cloth-diapering.

(I will also say here that some truly frugal and die-hard budgeters/green people use washcloths rather than toilet paper but that is out of the question. I mean, really, that is so not happening here that it's not even an available topic for consideration or discussion. Toilet paper is required here.)

But I'm thinking that cloth napkins and a big pile of clean, white cloths with which to dry and wipe in the kitchen might be a frugal and "green" alternative. I already use cloth dishcloths and dish towels, but we also use a lot of paper towels. A basket of white cloths on the counter ready to mop up spills, wipe faces, dry hands, etc. might be a good idea that could work for us.

So I did what women in the 21st century do - I went online looking for cloth napkins. But I somehow just KNEW that when I was looking online to buy cloth napkins (the ONLY two reasons being so that I can stop spending money on paper all the time and to stop throwing away so much of that paper after a single use) that when the appropriate category is listed as "Table Linens" that is not the kind of site I'm looking for. And sure enough - $56 for 6 napkins.

I went to a different site and found some that were more affordable that I like okay. I didn't buy them yet - I'm waiting. Waiting to see if I want to make them instead. With some couponed fabric and my sewing machine they might be even cheaper.

I'll let you know. Because I just know you are waiting to see how this turns out.

Who's on first?

2011-11-04T06:41:00.000-07:00

Every day, or almost every day, I read a few blogs that I've bookmarked in my Favorites. These people write something new every day, or almost every day. I'm going to share one with you each day for a few days.

Maybe you'll find a new favorite!

Today, I'll tell you about Gail Vaz Oxlade. She is a Canadian, but you really shouldn't let that scare you away. She's a financial guru of sorts, probably on par with Suze Orman but more real, more down-to-earth, and not so icky. What is it about Suze that makes my skin crawl? I can't quite figure it out. Anyway, Gail seems like a regular person, and I like her no-nonsense approach. She has had a couple of TV shows which I watch whenever they're on - Till Debt Do Us Part and Princess - and has written a few books. Which I haven't ever read.

You can find her blog here.

A poll

2011-11-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

Can you now or have you ever been able to do a back flip?

Not me. Not ever. Not on a trampoline or off a diving board. Now I'm too old and chicken to even try.

But if you're not - too old or too chicken that is - check out this site for directions. And when you get the hang of it, show me!

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T18:12:00.000-07:00

And all that jazz. I'm over Halloween. It used to be fun for me when my kids were little. I decorated, we had a traditional Halloween dinner (sloppy joes and tater tots), I sewed costumes for the kids, we trick-or-treated around the neighborhood.

I just don't care about it anymore. Avery did look adorable in her fairy ballerina costume, and hopefully she'll bring home a peanut butter cup for her Grammie, but I just wish people would stop ringing my doorbell. Is it possible to be a scrooge about Halloween? That's how I feel this year. Hopefully next year will be better.

(Did I ever mention that I left my camera in Sweden? Yeah, I have no picture-taking capabilities. Maybe I'll get a new one for Christmas? Mr. Dub?)

Sunday

2011-10-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

Redeemer of Israel, (Hymns, No. 6, verse 5)

Restore, my dear Savior,
The light of thy face;
Thy soul-cheering comfort impart;
And let the sweet longing
For thy holy place
Bring hope to my desolate heart.

Bountiful Baskets

2011-10-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

I joined a produce co-op this week, and this morning I picked up my first basket of food. For $15.00 (plus a $1.50 delivery fee) I received in my basket:

3 softball-sized yellow onions
2 big sweet potatoes
1 head of celery
2 heads of green leaf lettuce ( I could have chosen 1 head each of cabbage and lettuce but I already have a head of cabbage in my fridge.)
7 roma tomatoes
1 bunch of broccoli
1 bunch of bananas
1 quart of strawberries
7 limes
1 bag of red seedless grapes (it has two bunches - probably 2 or 3 lbs.)

I am happy with it. It's beautiful produce and I think the value is very good. I can get up to three baskets per week, but we'll see how it goes with the one basket this week. I'm hoping that it will help us eat more fruits and vegetables, and it was fun standing in line this morning chatting with the other ladies. I'm also hoping that it will inspire me to try some new veggies and different recipes. (What am I going to do with 7 limes? Hmmm...) The baskets are, in theory, different each week. I have no reason to doubt that, but since today was the first time I participated I don't know from personal experience. You can check out their website here and see what they're doing. I think we'll keep doing this!

Next week?

2011-10-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

My bff D told me the other day that the Houston quilt show is next week. Next week! Last year when I went to the quilt show I made great plans - I was going to save up a million dollars (or some other amount of money) and buy lots of cool fabric and patterns and tools at the quilt show in 2011. So that I could make things and be the kind of person who has interests and skills and maybe even develop some talent.

That hasn't happened. My life has got in my way again.

My life has been doing that a lot lately. Every single week I say to myself that "as soon as this week is over and things settle down, THEN I'll be able to get to it", where "it" is anything from painting rooms and hallways, to making over closets or flower beds or the budget, to writing fun notes to old friends, to getting a handle (finally!) on the visiting teaching and other intricacies of my church job, to having the money both for savings AND a pedicure, to finally and definitively finishing up any of the number of unfinished craft projects I have going on at all times.

Why do I keep telling myself that things will ever settle down? Why do I always believe that one magical day will ever come when I have the time (not to mention the skill set) to actually accomplish something? Additionally I have come to fear that when that blessed, settled-down day is plucked from the future and plunked down in front of today, I will no longer have the inclination or the energy to do anything at all.

People tell me that that day will, in fact, come. I believe them. I know lots of elderly people who have no one who ever calls them, no one who ever needs them, no one who cares what they do with their time or their money. That the day will come when I will have all the time in the world to myself. That I will look back to these over-busy, over-filled, chaotic, crazy and hassle-filled days and long for them again in my life.

I read in a blog the other day about something similar. It was someone that I don't know lamenting that her small child was screaming at her that she hates her. And that people would tell her to enjoy these brief moments because one day - presumably when her kids are grown - she'll miss them. And she said something that really resonated with me: "It's like, I lose now and I lose later."

It's been a whole year since I went to the quilt show with my mom and realized some of the possibilities that are out there for a person like me. And here I am, a whole year later, telling myself that it's not time yet, that things will settle down, that someday I'll do them. Some day. Some day that is later than now.

I fear that "later" will never come for me. I realize that what I'm going through right now today will most certainly change into something else, but I'm afraid that things will only be different, not better. The kids will never be completely raised or independent or happy all at the same time; the house will never be or stay completely clean, decorated, and maintained; the part of the world that I'm responsible for will never be sufficiently organized; all so that I can enjoy some free time to think. Just to think! I need something good to look forward to that is 100% or I might lose my freakin' mind.

Even though all this is not truly about the quilt show or quilting, I guess I will go to the quilt show next week and contemplate my possibilities. I will try to not think about how they are realities for other people.

Other people. That's a whole 'nother post!

What is it now?

2011-10-27T16:01:00.001-07:00

That's what I say to myself when the phone rings.

A friend called me today and told me a few things that have me thinking. One of the things she told me was that I hadn't written on my blog for a long time.

There are any number of good reasons for that. I may go into all that at a later date. And then when I logged into Blogger it told me I could redesign my blog.

That made me think even more.

I need to freshen up my blog's design. I think I probably need to freshen up my whole life. On that note, the dryer is calling my name.

There might be changes coming soon to the ol' AmyDubDub.

But don't hold your breath. I'm taking my time.

Roast Beef, Medium. A book review.

2011-08-25T15:29:00.000-07:00

Roast Beef, Medium. By Edna Ferber.

I had high expectations for this book going in. I was disappointed. I've always heard that Ms. Ferber was one of the original feminist authors and wrote books with strong female characters.

Meh.

Pretty much nothing happens in this book. Although I like the heroine, Emma, I found her life kind of boring and stereotypical. She's thin, beautiful, well-coiffed, well-dressed, young-looking for her age (36), and good at her career. In her spare time she sews the buttons and snaps onto her clothing before they have the chance to fall off. Really? The most daring and radical thing about her is that she's divorced and has a nearly grown son. Scandalous!

I suppose that when this book was written - 1913 - there weren't a lot of women who worked outside their homes, and even fewer who were divorced. Those two things alone may have made this book "feminist". I found it kind of sad that Emma:

had to be beautiful to be good at her career, a traveling petticoat salesman. (Petticoats? Really? I find that hilarious.)
uses the fact that she's a woman against her male competitors when waiting to call on store's buyers. She not only allows them to always let her go first because she's a lady, she counts on it. So is she truly good at her job, or did she just get in the door first?
longs for the simple joys of home and kitchen.
has these close women friends who understand her, and so indulge her wholesome desire to put on an apron, a kerchief over her hair, and really get after it with a rag and bucket of soapy water.

Even the title, Roast Beef, Medium refers to the "truth" that when traveling it's better and safer to stick to something that will agree with your digestion, like roast beef, medium, rather than experiment with any fancy sauce or exotic new dish. Better to stick with familiarity and tradition than try something new. This is feminism? Maybe in the early 1900's the "natural order of things" demanded even a feminist writer to declare that if a divorced woman found success and satisfaction in a career outside the home, in her good, womanly heart she secretly had to want to be a homemaker.

Not that there's anything wrong with being a homemaker, mind you. I am one. But it's my choice to do this, and not because it's my place.

Does that make sense? We certainly have come a long way, baby. But do working women today really secretly wish they could be at home tending babies, washing dishes, and shaking out throw rugs?

There was one other character in the book that I found interesting, Blanche LeHay. She is the female lead in a burlesque show, and one conversation that she has with Emma when Emma thinks to pluck Blanche out of her seedy and dis-respectable life is the most insightful part of the book. Emma offers Blanche the opportunity to leave the burlesque and work in the office of her employer, T.A. Buck Featherloom Petticoats. Blanche tells Emma that she is unfit for such a job, in fact she "couldn't hold down a job in a candy factory", and is doing the only thing she's capable of - the burlesque show. Is Emma wiser, or is Blanche? Do women work at those kind of jobs because they are truly unable to do anything else? I don't know but it's the one part of the book that I'm thinking about still, days later. I want to mention that even Blanche, when given the opportunity to have some rare time off, would rather peel a bowlful of potatoes than do anything else. Seriously.

I think I'll need to read more of Ferber's books to come to any conclusion about her other than that she is a product of her times, like all of us. If nothing else, it's interesting to see what was expected of women a century ago.

This whole world

2011-08-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

My whole world is wrapped up in one person - my Mr. Dub. Without him, a whole lot of things in my life just don't matter that much.

That is never more apparent to me than when he is feeling under the weather.

I have to remind myself constantly not to hover - Mr. Dub doesn't like to play Twenty Questions when he's feeling poorly.

Is it possible...

2011-08-15T16:58:00.001-07:00

...to have too many projects on deck at once? I got a new quilting catalog yesterday, and every time I look at it to remind myself of the price of the ONE project I'm contemplating, I find at least two others I'm likely to talk myself into ordering.

Do you think Mr. Dub would notice if I spent his whole paycheck on quilting supplies/kits?

I think I need someone to talk me down from the ledge. It's not like I don't already have approximately ten or twenty projects either already started or waiting patiently in the wings.

book review

2011-08-14T05:33:00.000-07:00

I finished A Virtuous Woman, by Kaye Gibbons.

It's fiction, the story of Jack Stokes and his wife, Ruby. (You get it, right? Ruby? The price of a virtuous woman? )I really liked the book in the beginning. The author uses an interesting technique to let each of the two characters voices be heard, and I thought it was cool, and a mark of her skill as a writer, that each voice is so instantly recognizable.

The story is sad and ends sad. The two main characters have a happy life that contains, as all people's lives contain, some sad and hard things. I don't really like a sad book, because I see enough sadness in the real world around me that I don't want to see more of it when I'm escaping into a book. I know that there have to be sad stories, I just don't want to think about sorrow and grief and despair during my vacation, you know? I guess I just never feel so happy that I need a sad story to bring me back down to reality. I'm usually in the mood to be cheered up and amused. A sad story doesn't make me feel better. It just makes me sad.

I noticed too late that this book is one of Oprah's Book Club books. The public library bar code was covering up the symbol on the cover. Rats. But this one is a bit different from her usual selections. Don't get me wrong - there's infidelity, abuse, rape, poverty, and despair, just like there is in all of Oprah's favorite books. (At least all the ones I've managed to struggle through.) This book's redeeming quality for me is that Jack and Ruby love and care for each other, and the bad stuff is mostly peripheral.

I'll share a quote from the book that rang so true for me, and has stuck with me for the last few days: "...sleeping and awake he had dreamt of Ruby. He needed relief from his night, but holding her pillow and crying as he had done other nights would not help him. His frustration and anger had rooted in and taken hold well below the place where tears start, and so would not be washed up nor out by them."

I've had sadness in my life that was washed away by tears, and I've had sadness that is better defined as anguish and despair, sadness that is below tears. I'm glad I read this sad story - it's helped me to remember to honor the pain I see in other people.

Escapism

2011-08-11T20:15:00.000-07:00

I've recently been overwhelmed with a desire to escape my reality. It's not been fun for me (or anyone else, either) and it's not been pretty (have you ever peered into your own dissatisfied soul? Ugh. Lame.). I have never been one to handle change and transition with any kind of grace, and I'm currently bombarded with change and transition.

I've realized that I have to have some coping mechanisms or I'm going to lose it and make everyone unhappy. Here's what I'm doing to manage my stress:

Movies: I used to love movies. I liked that about myself. I've lost that and I'm going to get it back. I watched The Bucket List for the first time the other day. I recorded it on my DVR several weeks ago and finally decided this week that it was time for me to check out for a while. I enjoyed the movie very much, and although it fed my temporary and seemingly desperate need to enact a complete and arbitrary do-over of my ENTIRE life, it was a fun movie. I'd like to make a bucket list. I think a bucket list is something I need in my life.

Books: I used to love to read. I liked that about myself. I've lost that and I'm going to get it back. In the last two weeks I finally finished the second half of The Half-Blood Prince which I started for the second time earlier this spring, and then re-read The Deathly Hallows in its entirety. I went to HP7II a couple weeks ago with my Mr. Dub, and having the scenes from the movie freshly in my mind helped me focus on the details in the book amidst the chaos. I went to the public library today and checked out a couple of novels that look promising. Can I say that leisurely wandering through the aisles of a library is good for what ails you? It has to be leisurely, though. Hurriedly won't do it. Currently on tap is Kaye Gibbon's A Virtuous Woman. So far, so good. I might read all day tomorrow. If my little Butter Butter will let me. : )

Crafts: I'm thisclose to finishing a knitted, pleated skirt for Buttercup that I've been working on for a few weeks. It's a self-patterning yarn in bright blue with small orange flowers - the flowers didn't quite turn out how they were supposed to but it still looks cute. All that's left is to sew down the waistband and insert some elastic and it will be done. On the needles now is an orange cardi to go with the skirt. The yarn is super soft and a bit shiny; the color is "Mango". It looks good enough to eat. I'm chomping at the bit and making lots of plans for other projects that will begin/continue when I'm not in sole charge of my beautiful little Buttercup.

Cooking: Because of my mostly grown and ever more expensive children, (Hello, college tuition and books. Hello, whole new post-mission wardrobe. Hello, moving van+gas and storage unit. Hello, horde of hungry adults. Hello, back-to-school clothes, shoes, and supplies. Hello, TWO new -used- cars+gas+insurance this summer.) because of all that, my grocery budget cannot be exceeded. I've been experimenting with all the food in my storage to come up with good, tasty food to eat every day. Because if it doesn't taste good I don't want to eat it. It's been a creative outlet for me and I'm happy and proud that we're eating well without going over my budget. Even though it's more work, cooking is something I enjoy if I make time to do it properly and I think I'm a little good at it. It's been fun to clean out the fridge and the pantry and turn that all into supper.

I have also been counting my blessings, which are numerous. That helps tremendously. I do know that I have much to be thankful for. I have a healthy, happy family who love me. They don't always appreciate me like they should, but they're perhaps still a little too young to realize that. I have a loving husband who cares about me and hangs in there with me with patience and love no matter how crazy and unbalanced I happen to be at any given moment. I have a home, security, assets. I'm fine, which is practically a miracle when so many people in our nation and our world are not.

I've realized that I don't need a do-over so much as I need to gain a perspective that allows me to see past the next five minutes or so of difficulty. Taking breaks from my work and responsibilities, and doing things for myself are also something that has to happen.

I'm still here

2011-06-28T17:24:00.000-07:00

I'm getting my butt kicked by a certain small, sweet someone. I've got tons to do before we pick up our son from his mission, and all the "help" from my little Buttercup slows me down considerably. Not to mention that it is exhausting keeping up with and caring for a small child. She may be the answer to my chronic insomnia. After a summer taking care of her and collapsing into bed early every night so tired that I want to cry, I may have that old insomnia licked.

At any rate, I'm glad I had my babies when I was young.

I have big projects going on that I'm making progress on, and while I have plans for my blog, that is the thing that will just have to patiently sit to one side for now. You know that line about "seasons" in your life...

It's not your grandmother's food storage, folks.

2011-06-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

As promised, here are a few of my bottles of strawberry lemonade concentrate. These will go on my shelves (Well, they will if I can keep my family out of them for a bit!) Also in my food storage are a couple cases of ginger ale (bought on sale this week) to add a little bit of sparkle to the lemonade after it's reconstituted with water.

I went to the farmer's market today to see if I could find anything to can. Here's a look at what I brought home:

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do.

Are you a daredevil?

2011-05-31T05:57:00.000-07:00

On Saturday we cracked open a jar of the dilly green beans I made a few weeks ago. They are tasty - nice and vinegary with a slight dill flavor. Not mushy, but not crunchy either.

They do pack a wallop. I canned them, per the recipe, with a serrano pepper and a garlic clove in every jar. You don't notice the heat until you're done chewing and swallowing, and then is when it really punches you in the throat.

You're going to need something to drink with these. Fortunately I've made some strawberry lemonade concentrate for my food storage. Come back tomorrow for a look at these beautifully ruby jars!

Dinner Idea

2011-05-24T07:19:00.000-07:00

I bought an All You magazine a couple of weeks ago to feed my new hobby: couponing*. In the magazine there are all kinds of recipes which I was kind of stoked about. One in particular caught my eye because it uses ingredients I keep in my food storage, namely:

green beans
salmon
olive oil
vinegar
salt and pepper

Granted, the recipe calls for fresh green beans and a fresh salmon fillet. Also fresh red potatoes. But I used the green beans I had canned the other day, and 2 cans of boneless, skinless flaked salmon. These are items from my shelves. I bought the red potatoes on sale last week for 59 cents a pound. I thinly sliced** the potatoes and steamed them with a little salt in a steamer basket over boiling water. In a large bowl I combined a couple tablespoons of olive oil and a little apple cider vinegar. (Also a blob of dijon mustard which the recipe did not call for but that I like in a vinaigrette.) I added some salt and pepper and whisked together until blended. (I then tasted it and added a little more canola oil because it needed more oil but it did not need any more spicy or fruity or whatever it is that extra virgin olive oil brings to a dressing.) I added the green beans, the steamed potatoes, and the drained, flaked salmon. It needed a little more pepper after it was all mixed together.

It was good. I was tempted to go back for seconds a couple of times last night, but knew that if I did that then I wouldn't have any leftovers for lunch. Now that it's today and I'll be looking for lunch in a few hours, I'm glad I saved some.

*It bugs me a little bit how some nouns have become verbs in our weird, awesome English language like "couponing" or "texting".

**I think it's hilarious when my favorite TV chef Jamie Oliver slices something thinly and calls it "wafer thin". It's the way he says "wafer", rhyming it with "gaffer".

Be true

2011-05-22T21:15:00.000-07:00

Being true is part of the belief system I adhere to, and some of the rich loveliness of being true is so elegantly described by Mr. Irving:

There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity. ~ Washington Irving

It's a quality worth striving for.

Menus

2011-05-19T07:26:00.000-07:00

I've finally come up with some menus that I think my family will (mostly) eat, and that I can rotate rarely enough that I'm not sick of eating the same thing over and over again. The purpose of having it all written down is to be able to plan my grocery store sales shopping/couponing into a purposeful trip rather than my usual way of wandering up and down the aisles at the store waiting for something to jump into my cart and say, "Cook me! Cook me!".

I've decided that 25 meal plans per month is enough because it gives me a handful of days every month to eat leftovers or take out. There are other things we have for dinner, but for the purposes of building our food storage these 25 meals X 10 will be our "year's supply". I've set it up so that there is a type of food that we will eat for the five nights in a week but there is lots of flexibility to allow for busy days and seasonal appetites (Beef stew in the middle of summer? Maybe not.):

baked
stove-top
sandwiches
soup
Tex-Mex

Wanna see?
Baked:
Roasted chicken and veg
Chicken casserole
Lasagna
Quiche
Chicken alfredo pasta and veg

Stove-top:
dirty rice
tuna tetrazzini
pork fried rice with stir-fry veggies
beef stroganoff
spaghetti
Cincinnati-style chili

Sandwiches:
salmon patties
sloppy joes
bbq beef on a bun
chili dogs or chili fries

Soup:
Chicken noodle or rice
Vegetable
Sausage/spinach/white bean
Chunky tomato
Beef stew

Tex Mex:
Tacos
Bean and cheese nachos
Carnitas
Chicken fajitas
Beef enchiladas
Chicken enchiladas

Like I said, there are other meals we regularly eat like various kinds of homemade pizza, baked or pan-fried tilapia, and of course there's the occasional breakfast for dinner, but this is the menu plan I'll be working my shopping list around.

What do you think?

My next job is to create an ingredients list that contains all the things I will need to make these 25 meals then multiply it by ten!

So far, I am loving having my pressure canner. I've canned beef, chicken, and pork and I can tell you that it is a cinch to make dinner when your meat is already thawed and cooked! I've been looking through cookbooks for recipes and can see that a lot of recipes start with "cut the meat into 1 inch cubes and cook." Sweet!

Shelves

2011-05-16T04:50:00.000-07:00

They came in! They are nice and strong, and the advertisement said they can hold 350 lbs. per shelf. I don't expect that I'll put that much weight on each shelf, but I'm glad they are sturdy and that they fit so perfectly in the space in the closet I had planned to put them. Because you know I didn't measure it before I ordered the shelves, which I will definitely do next time. I promise.

My bff D came over to admire my shelves and spoke aloud what I had already thought - it looked like a lot more food when it was all piled on my kitchen counter!

Harvest

2011-05-14T20:26:00.000-07:00

I've been diligently watering my little container garden through an extremely dry springtime, and it's beginning to pay off.

There are lots of little tomatoes on my tomato plant, I'm hoping that it will keep us in tomatoes all summer! I'm not so confident over the jalapeno plant - this was the only pepper growing there.

I can't live like this

2011-05-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

I'm the kind of person who needs the horizontal surfaces in her home free of clutter. It bugs me when things begin to stack up. It bothers me in a way that I can't explain, but it causes anxiety and insomnia when I have things that need to be put away laying in piles around the house.

I ordered some shelves about a week ago that were supposed to arrive today, and today, instead of shelves, I got an email saying that my shipment has been delayed until next Tuesday.

Next Tuesday. For pete's sake. I have to live with this pile on my kitchen counter for another week. Today it feels like my shelves will never come. If they ever do, all these jars will go up in my food storage closet and I'll have my kitchen counter back.

In the pic you can see on the right the ground beef and diced chicken that I canned over the weekend. On the left you can see the roasted reds I did this morning.

(My camera takes strange pics. My kitchen counter is every bit as white as the tile backsplash but in all my pictures, it looks beige.)

Inventory

2011-05-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

One of last month's jobs was to create an inventory sheet of items needed for a year's supply of food and other stuff my family uses and needs, and organize those things.

I've been working on it and I'm still working on it. It's a really, Really, REALLY big job because I want to acquire and organize these things in an orderly, cost-effective way rather than a random or expensive way. This means figuring out what we actually use and eat, creating menu plans and then breaking down those recipes into ingredient lists in order to form shopping lists, taking into account what I already have in the house, and so on. I wonder to myself as I'm doing this if people who are in the habit of making a weekly or monthly menu and shopping from it would have an easier time of this. I've tried (resolved?) so many times to make menu plans and shopping lists but even though I'm kind of rigid in that I like to know what's going to happen to me on any given day, and have a hand in arranging it, if possible, I eventually forget about my menus and go back to my old way of winging it when it comes to what we're having for dinner tonight or tomorrow or next week.

So anyway I've been making this inventory list of things we need and organizing it by categories. This morning I've been working on my Health and Beauty category because I've scored some amazing deals this week (and so my bathroom closets are filling up) by doing a more moderate form of Extreme Couponing. (Some time I'll blog about the meeting I went to that featured as a guest speaker one of TLC's Extreme Couponing chicks. It was way cool and very helpful and informative.)

Back to my list. (See how I get off task so easily? If people were asked to think of one word that describes me, I think most of them would say "tangent". I recently read an article on MSNBC that people who are able to focus on one thing at a time are generally more happy people than those people whose minds wander. I need brain training. STAT.) To create my Health and Beauty category for my inventory list I mentally went through my "getting ready" routine, and that of my husband's and children's, and listed all the products we use. Then I went through my actual bathroom closets and medicine cabinets to see what else was there that we use and need, but maybe not every single day. I want everything on my list, so that when stuff goes on sale and I have coupons for them, I can shop for the items we are short on.

Are you ready to see the list? The length of it is nothing short of astonishing.

soap
body wash
shampoo
conditioner
mousse
hair gel
mens deodorant
womens deodorant
mens shavers
shaving cream
womens shavers
body lotion
vaseline
facial cleanser
facial moisturizer
toothbrushes
toothpaste
dental floss
mouthwash
hand soap
sunscreen
lip balm
nail clippers
emery boards
Q-tips
vitamins
feminine wash
supers
regulars
foot powder
benadryl
tylenol
ibuprofen
allergy meds

It's a lot of stuff just to get ready in the morning, and I've always considered our family to be pretty low maintenance!

It's soup weather

2011-05-04T12:49:00.000-07:00

But don't worry - it will be back to popsicle weather by the weekend.

I made a pot of soup for dinner last night that was so tasty I decided I'd share the "recipe":

1/2 package of sausage (the breakfast kind, that you would form into patties before cooking)
1/2 an onion, diced
1 quart chicken stock
1 can fire-roasted diced tomatoes, not drained
1 can white beans, drained and rinsed (I used my newly-canned beans!)
1/2 tsp. ground thyme
1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
2 or 3 big handfuls of baby spinach, chopped
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
salt and pepper to taste

Cook and stir the sausage and onion in a soup pot in a little olive oil until the sausage is broken up into smallish pieces and cooked through and the onion is softened but not brown. Add the chicken stock and stir up any bits that are stuck to the bottom. Add the tomatoes and their juice, the beans, thyme, red pepper flakes and bring to a simmer. Simmer for 15 or 20 minutes. Add the spinach and the parmesan cheese and stir until cheese is melted. Taste for seasonings and add salt and pepper as needed.

Serve hot with cornbread. I'm sure you know that when you eat beans and grains (like rice or corn) together at the same meal, that it enhances the quality protein value of the meal. I have been feeling desperate for protein lately - eating things like boiled eggs for lunch and peanut butter toast for breakfast. This soup/cornbread supper filled me up and made me feel good inside.

I had a bowl of this soup for lunch today and it is even better the second day. Looking forward to it again tomorrow!

Items used in this soup that are "food storage" items:
chicken stock
canned diced tomatoes
home-canned white beans
herbs and other seasonings

Cornbread "food storage" ingredients:
flour
corn, ground into meal by my Little Friend
powdered milk
sugar
baking powder
and homemade strawberry freezer jam

It's a lot of work

2011-05-03T05:09:00.001-07:00

I learned that in my adventure yesterday. And it took much longer than I expected. And the pressure canner made me exceedingly nervous. But at the end of a long day, I have 16 pints of shelf-stable, ready-to-eat beans.

Although I won't let it stop me from continuing, I sincerely hope that the work, time and anxiety lessen over time as I get used to it.

Beans, beans, the musical fruit

2011-05-02T06:00:00.001-07:00

Well, you know the rest.

I went to a preparedness fair on Saturday and got lots of information. So much information, in fact, that it's taking me a while to process a lot of it.

One thing I saw, although the idea has been percolating in my head for a while, is pressure-canning dried beans. (I am able to get on this right away because I've already been thinking about it for a while. Are you like that at all? I only have the nerve to do it because I've already thought about it and decided to do it, and have now met someone in person who's done it.) I have cases and cases of dried beans in my food storage that we rarely ever eat because it is such a hassle, for me anyway, to cook them.

Have I ever been guilty of buying a can of beans when I have perfectly good dried beans in boxes upstairs? Uhhhh, no comment.

So on the kitchen counter we have beans soaking in anticipation of canning them in my new toy later this afternoon. Tune in again tomorrow to see my finished results!

A little bit of this and that

2011-04-29T20:13:00.000-07:00

When I was a teenager I was cast in the chorus of our small town's community theater's production of Fiddler on the Roof. It was a memorable experience for me, and included many members of my immediate family as well as some good friends. I have a picture somewhere of the whole cast and crew. I should look for it and post it here.

My Mr. Dub came home from Kuwait yesterday. I don't think he enjoyed this trip very much. Usually he comes home with interesting stories and things to talk about. This time he has only mentioned a couple of the other guys he worked with, and a bit about the weather. One other interesting thing he said was that Kuwaitis go camping in the months of January through March 31st and when they return to their homes they leave their furniture out in the desert. As in, couches, love seats, chairs, end tables, and the like. He said that driving from the airport to the camp where he was staying there was furniture everywhere along the side of the road. That's odd, don't you think? We guess that maybe when you go camping for three months you take your furniture because you don't want to sit on folding camping chairs the whole time. But when you're ready to go home, you don't want the furniture that's been outside in the desert back inside your house.

Today I made some apple preserves with the rest of the apples I bought on sale at Kroger this week. They are canned in a cinnamon-sugar sauce, and the author of the cookbook recommends using the apples in apple tarts. That sounds good to me today. I think they will also be good stirred into oatmeal or with abelskivers.

Abelskivers are a type of Danish pancake thing. We always have them on Christmas morning, and occasionally on a random Sunday morning. Mr. Dub likes his abelskivers with apple pie filling, because the "abel" in abelskivers means "apple" in Danish. I've tried to tell him that real Danes (i.e. my family) eat their abelskivers with jam or pancake syrup but he's not deterred. I like them with butter and plum jam.

Plum jam is something I'd like to try making this year.

Today I finished sewing together all the mittens I've knitted to this point. Did you forget about my mitten project? Did you think I had forgotten about it? I sort of lost interest in it for awhile, but someone at Church encouraged me to finish them and helped me out with some of the sewing and I've been hard at it for the past week or so. Tonight I finished the last two pairs, and I think it comes to about 30 pairs total. I've lost track of the exact count, but I've decided to start counting again at 30 pairs. I know it's at least that many. I still have a way to go to reach 100 pairs, but that's okay - it's not a race. We've been sending them in to Humanitarian Services as I finish them. Somewhere there are cold little children putting on a pair of warm, hand-knitted mittens that I made. That makes me feel good. And I'm grateful for the nudge I got to finish them.

I'm trying to get in the habit, again, of using my time more wisely and productively in hopes that I will be so tired at night that I'll be able to fall asleep. So projects are getting done, and I think I could can something every day for the next little while at least, and enjoy it. For now I'm out of anything to can, but I did see a recipe that makes grape jelly out of bottled Welch's grape juice and there just happens to be some of that in my pantry...but I already have grape jelly. I don't need any more.

Too bad.

It's a strawberry kind of day

2011-04-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today I made strawberry freezer jam which is one of my most favorite foods. A friend of my Little Prince came by to see him and she helped me for a little while. It was very cute and fun to see her shock and amazement that people who can afford to buy jam from the store would make it. (I run into that sort of attitude quite a bit, actually. I find it a little disturbing. For many reasons, only one being that you cannot buy freezer jam at the store and its sweet, fresh fruit flavor is superior to cooked jam.) She told me all about how her dad's family used to make jam when he was a little boy because they were so, SO poor. I bought two quarts of strawberries on sale at Kroger the other day, and have made enough jam, I think, to feed the whole world jam and toast.

Anyway, this girl had fun making jam with me. I think she was excited to see that a thing like making your own jam is something that some people do. She said she'd be back tomorrow to get the jar of homemade jam I offered her as payment for her help. I hope she does come by for it, and learns that some things, like making homemade jam, feed the body and the soul.

a peek at the goods

2011-04-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

In the last 24 hours I've made:

5 pints of dilly beans and
5 half-pints of spiced apple chutney

The chutney is SO good. Apples, craisins, allspice, curry powder, mustard seeds and other delicious things. It's tangy and a bit sweet and quite spicy, but not the hot kind of spicy. Just very flavorful and tasty. Today we've been eating it on crackers with a little bit of cheddar. It takes cheese and crackers to a place I've never been before. It will also be great with goat cheese or cream cheese and crackers. Next time apples are on sale I'm making more of this stuff. Because those four little jars, which is all we have left, will never last a whole year.

The pickled green beans are supposed to sit and marinate for a couple of weeks before we crack them open. I had a handful of beans that wouldn't fit in the jars and let them soak for a few minutes in the leftover brine to try them. I think they'll be good. I canned them with a serrano chili and a clove of garlic in each jar. They will be spicy and hot, I think.

Also in the picture are two jars that have dried chili peppers in them. I bought a Foodsaver on eBay for super cheap and have been vacuum sealing different things in mason jars. My Little Friend and I did an experiment to determine the degree of fun this gadget will provide and he gave it a 3 out of 10 - not that fun. But I have to say that he comes running in order to be the one who pushes the button whenever I have it out.

It's been a fun day. And I have something to show for it. What a great combination!

Here I go...

2011-04-26T12:29:00.000-07:00

Kroger has green beans on sale ~ 10 lbs for $10. It's like a sign from the universe, don't you think?

Garlicky, pickled green beans, coming right up!

Ten good things

2011-04-25T05:04:00.000-07:00

I'm taking my cue from SouleMama today, and simply listing ten good things:

Sweet Pea -scented anything from Bath & Body Works
Cinnamon toast
Three tomatoes on my tomato plant
Scotch tape
New cookbooks
Birdsong in the early morning
Anticipating a package coming in the mail today
Feeling a freshly mopped kitchen floor under my bare feet
Red petunias
Finishing a project.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

That Easter Morn, Hymns,#198

That Easter morn, a grave that burst
Proclaimed to man that "Last and First"
Had ris'n again
And conquered pain.

This morn renews for us that day
When Jesus cast the bonds away,
Took living breath
And conquered death.

Thus we in gratitude recall
And give our love and pledge our all,
Shed grateful tear
And conquer fear.

This hasn't ever been my favorite Easter song because it's not beautiful in an obviously typical "beautiful" way. And I am all about the obvious. But the words hit home today, and I'm grateful to be one of those who love the Lord.

The choir sings it here.

busy little bee

2011-04-23T20:42:00.001-07:00

Well, almost. I've been busy making plans and getting ready to keep myself busy this summer. I bought the pressure canner pictured above and have collected and washed lots of jars. I've looked through a lot of canning cookbooks. And now I'm almost ready to start.

Even though my new toy came with directions, I'm nervous about it. I've never seen anyone use a pressure canner before. I'm not excited about the idea of having to boil everything for ten minutes before we can eat it. I'm not even sure if that old rule still applies. So I called my county extension office and talked to the agent and she is going to walk me through it and fill me in on all the juicy details on Monday afternoon.

I'm really looking forward to meeting a new person and learning a new skill. Not to mention trying some new recipes. Because I am sick to death of everything I normally eat. It's weird. For reasons that I cannot explain I am craving home-canned spiced peaches. I don't think I've ever had them before so although it's a mystery where this is coming from it fits in to my "sick of everything I've ever eaten" phase. Lucky for me peaches aren't quite in season yet, I have some time to figure it out!

(Oh, and I think the dark cloud that's been following me around for the last couple of months is edging away from me a bit. In case you were wondering.)

Oh, the internet

2011-04-07T06:21:00.001-07:00

It's amazing what you can sometimes find on the internet.

I went to a food storage class last week and the instructor showed us, kind of, how to make these nifty cardboard can rotator/organizer box things. More importantly she gave out a paper with all the measurements and a diagram of how the inside of the box glues together. Since I had seen one all put together and I have the details, I thought I would give it a shot.

(Disclaimer: You can buy a commercial version of these on the internet for about $4 each, plus shipping. It's a lot less trouble, I'm sure.)

It was kind of a fun project. There is a learning curve, and my good friend K had to show me how to use glue properly, but I think that now that I have the hang of it, I will continue to make them for pretty much free out of the sturdy cardboard boxes that we occasionally get. It's okay with me if it takes a while to complete this organizing project and you can't beat free. I'd rather spend the $4 (each! plus shipping!) on food storage items.

While looking for the complete directions on the internet I came across several blogs that feature these cool little contraptions. One guy paints his and said it strengthens the cardboard significantly, so I'm considering doing that to mine in the future. The one I made seems very sturdy, and since it won't be moved around much once I get it on the shelf it seems like it would be fine, but if it could last for years and years, that would be cool. At the class I went to the demonstrator had decorated some of hers with either scrapbook paper or by letting her children color them, but I decided that since mine will be going up on closet shelves (and so I won't be able to really see into the box) that I would tape a can label on the front of the box to identify its contents. I really like how it looks, too - kind of like a fancy grocery store! Is that lame?

This was a good project for me. I've been in a kind of dark and lonely place lately. I don't know what's wrong, and when I think about it very much, I realize that nothing is wrong. I just don't feel like myself lately. Maybe it has to do with the misery that is springtime allergies complemented with practically no sleep (it's tough to get a good night's sleep when you wake up every 10 minutes to blow your nose), or maybe it's a touch of depression. But going to the class (even though I didn't want to) and learning something new (even though I didn't want to) and gathering the supplies (even though I would rather have watched a little more too much TV) and then actually completing a project from start to finish (even though I wanted to give up when it got tricky) has made me feel a little bit better today.

Thank you, internet.

If you want to see another example and some similar instructions click here. There's a video on that site that shows how the box works, too. Hers shows a notch cut out of the sides that I didn't remember or understand about from the demonstration I saw. I will definitely do that next time to make it easier to remove the cans. If you'd like a copy of the schematics sheet I have, leave me a comment or email me your address.

How does your garden grow?

2011-03-30T14:26:00.000-07:00

Look! See my adorable little tomato blossoms? That's the happy news. The sad news is that the cilantro and dill, after surviving only two weeks in my yard, are already going to seed. I hope this only means that they are cool-season crops and can't take temps in the 80's and 90's and so I'm trying to not take it personally - I think I'll yank them out and plant more parsley and basil. Yes, it's already been in the upper 80's here. I won't think about what that might mean for summertime.

My preparedness jobs for April are as follows:

Organize and inventory three-month food supply.
Check 72-hour kits for expired items and replace as needed.

It might as well be said here and now that for me #2 should read "Make some 72-hour kits, you!" We did this years ago, maybe even as much as 15 years ago, when our big, grown-up and adult offspring were tiny, sweet little children. We eventually dismantled them in an attempt to replace expired items, the project got set aside to take care of later, yada, yada, yada, and so now we start again from scratch.

Our ward is promoting a "72 in 72" event, started a couple of weeks ago, where we get together a 72 hour kit for each person in our own family in the 72 days left until hurricane season begins. This week I'm gathering and/or obtaining containers for the 72-hour kits and deciding where to keep them. Will it be duffel bags or 5 gallon buckets? In the garage or the hall closet? Stay tuned...

Live long and be thrifty

2011-03-22T11:02:00.000-07:00

Did you know that the root of the word "thrift" comes from the word "thrive"?

In other words, well-being and prosperity. Thrifty doesn't mean cheap. It means thoughtfully using your resources in a way that will bring you the most satisfaction over the long-term.

March to-do list

2011-03-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

Another Mormon congregation in my area has suggested monthly tasks for their Relief Society to do in order to become better prepared and self-reliant. An organized and systematic way to learn and practice living more providently over the course of a year. I'm going to do my best to keep up with them, and I hope that writing about my efforts and results here will give me some sense of accountability.

(Also, I hope that it will serve as a reminder that I'm doing this year-long project. Because I fear that I'll get halfway through and forget about it. Or maybe not even halfway through. Maybe I'll forget about the whole thing by later this afternoon. Things don't seem to stick lately. It's disturbing. But I digress.)

For March the job is simple. Start a garden.

Knowing my limitations both in attention span and ability to withstand long hours working outside in the hot summer sun, I decided a container garden will do. I thought about it, realized that tomatoes and peppers are what I most like to eat as far as fresh veggies go, added in my desire to use more fresh herbs in my cooking, and got started. I begin with:

a single roma-style tomato plant.
two varieties of peppers - bell and jalapeno.
chives
basil
cilantro
parsley
dill

Start a garden? Done.

(I may as well confess right here and now that it's not only that I do want to use more fresh herbs in my cooking, I greatly fear that birds, insects, drought, and disease will impede my progress and success with growing vegetables. In order to not be a complete failure at gardening, herbs have been added to the container garden.)

More reflection

2011-03-07T03:48:00.000-08:00

My mother wrote on her blog the other day and said something that has moved my sense of self off-kilter. I've heard her say it before, but this time it registered. She said she thinks she has Asperger's Syndrome. Not a severe case, in fact more "normal" than not, but that she feels that many of the symptoms of Asperger's fit her. Everyone knows that my dad was bi-polar, and quite debilitated by it.

I only know a couple of people who have been diagnosed with Asperger's and they are both hard to reach. One of them I know better than the other because I taught her every day in seminary for 3 years. She was unable to discuss with me or the other students in the class how she felt or what she thought about anything more personal than something like, say, the weather. She didn't make eye-contact with me during discussions, and deflected questions by looking down and away and shrugging and withdrawing into herself. I didn't take it personally because I knew that it was more the Asperger's than it was a personal dislike of me or even simply a case of hard-to-reach-teenager. This girl is super intelligent and is easy to get along with, but can't quite let you know her at any deeper level.

So after I read my mom's blog the other day, I started imagining what it would be like to have someone like this young woman as a mother. And as I went on with this mental exercise I realized that with a mother with Asperger's and a father with so tenuous a grasp on reality, I really have no clue what is true about myself. Things I "know" about who I truly am deep down inside might be false.

Now, it's completely true that I am 45 years old (for a few more days, anyway) and that I am responsible for my own thoughts and actions. But if from the time that I was born I was interacting with and responding to parents with these particular kinds of problems, it's no wonder that I have at my core serious doubts about my worth as a human being and whether or not I am lovable. I think it goes beyond low self-esteem and may be why all those positive affirmation exercises taught to me by counselors and therapists feel so outrageously ridiculous and fake. Because in spite of all the people who love me and accept me as a valuable person, deep down inside I "know" that their love and acceptance is more about how good they are, not how good I am. It's why I can't accept a compliment with any kind of grace, and why I "know" that people really just don't understand whenever they give kudos for something I've done.

It makes a big lump rise up in my throat. I know it's something I have to figure out for myself.

spring chores

2011-03-04T05:29:00.000-08:00

I've been out working in the yard this week. We had a couple of hard freezes this year, which hardly ever happens, and my plants are showing a lot of freeze damage. The grass is starting to turn a beautiful shade of green and the weeds are nothing short of emerald but everything else looks kind of sad.

Or so I thought.

While weeding, pruning, and mulching in the big flowerbed in the backyard, I happened upon these oxalis clumps again. Shamrocks! And just in time for St. Patrick's Day. They aren't damaged at all, and it was a nice surprise to see them. Then I remembered that later on this spring they'll have small pink flowers, and it made me happy.

Ah, springtime!

Reflection

2011-03-03T06:52:00.001-08:00

I've read a couple of blogs already this morning and especially noticed how often so many people proclaim what they are passionate about. I find this fascinating because although there are many things that I enjoy doing or for some finite period of time become totally engrossed in, there isn't anything that I can point to and say, "This is my passion". Not counting my Mr. Dub, of course.

Most of my life seems to be taking care of whatever has presented itself for immediate attention, and my down time is spread thinly between crafting of one type or another, reading, home improvement and cooking TV shows, and surfing Facebook.

(Re: Facebook - I'm quickly becoming disillusioned. I am tired of Facebook. It has ceased to be fun for me. The only reason I still go there at all is because that's where my friends and family are.)

I hope that there is something yet to come in my life that captures my interest to the point that I become passionate about it. Because I don't want to admit to anyone, and least of all to myself, that I'm superficial, flighty, or bored. I envy those who have found something that really calls to them.

The good thing about me is that I'm willing to try new things. I hope this means that I will eventually find something to be passionate about.

roller coaster ride

2011-03-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

Dizzying heights followed by lows so startling that my stomach lurches. I know it must be me because everybody in the world can't be impossible at the same time, right?

I think I need a time out.

Some days...

2011-02-28T05:52:00.000-08:00

...it's all I can do to just sign in to Blogger.

Seriously. I want to be witty, I want to be light-hearted, I want to be calm and happy and fulfilled. And there are moments and brief flashes of all of that. My Little Friend said to me the other day, "You haven't done your blog in a long time." You know, in case I hadn't noticed.

I'll spare you all the gory details. It just doesn't deserve bandwidth. Some things have got to change. I know exactly what needs to change, but I feel like I'm in mortal combat with my enemy, and I'm not sure I have enough integrity to fight on and make those changes.

Either that or my period is coming on with a vengeance.

Never say never

2011-02-11T08:23:00.000-08:00

I did something yesterday I thought I would never do.

I made my own laundry soap. Oh yes, I did. It seems like such a...I dunno...such a denim jumper-wearing, home-birthing, fundamentalist thing to do. Doesn't it? I don't know. But I'm trying to reduce the amount of dangerous chemicals in my home because I think they are killing me and Jake. Sometimes I can't breathe when I'm cleaning, and it takes days for my hands to recover after scrubbing a bathtub or shower. I am also trying to save money.

Here's the recipe:

1 bar fels naptha soap
1 cup borax
1/2 cup washing soda
1/2 cup baking soda

Grate the bar of soap in the food processer. Add the remaining ingredients with the grated soap into the work bowl and process with the blade until powdered. Store in a container with a lid. Use 2 tablespoons per wash load.

It looks like regular, granulated laundry detergent. It works great. It smells fresh. It was easy to find all the ingredients at Walmart or Ace Hardware store.

And it was super cheap! I doubled the recipe, which made enough for 56 (or so) loads of laundry. I spent less than $8 on the ingredients, and I still have most of the boxes of borax and washing soda left. So when I'm out of laundry soap, I'll buy two more 97 cent bars of the soap and make enough for 56 more loads for less than $2. I can probably do this at least three times more with what's left of the washing soda and borax. The whole process was easy and took about 5 minutes. I found a metal 2 tablespoon measuring cup at Walmart so using the detergent is easy.

Because you know if it's not fast and easy I'm not going to do it.

In our Relief Society meeting next Thursday we are going to make different kinds of homemade cleaners, including this one, so I've been experimenting and looking around for availability of the items we'll need. I'm going to do all the math and figure out exactly how much it costs to make these things and how it compares to the cleaners and detergents you can buy at the store.

One that I am kind of excited about is 1/2 cup baking soda mixed with 1/2 cup kosher salt and a drop or two of essential oil. This makes a scrubbing powder similiar to Comet or Ajax. I'll be interested to see if it dries out and hurts the skin on my hands like Comet does.

I'll let you know the results of all my experiments.

I'm not like other people

2011-02-10T06:13:00.001-08:00

Most people are satisfied with having a kitchen junk drawer. Not me.

I also have a kitchen junk cabinet.

Like a junk drawer, a junk cabinet requires regular maintenance. I cleaned mine out this morning because it wasn't working for me anymore. Because every time I tried to dig out some scotch tape, a bottle of glue would fall into the butter that lives by the toaster on the counter below this cabinet. Cleaning butter off glue bottles becomes tedious more quickly than you might think.

Here is an inventory of items that belong in the junk cabinet starting on the bottom shelf:

cookbooks
mailing envelopes
disinfecting spray (The kitchen trash sits right in front of this cabinet. We spray the can every time we take out the trash and before putting a new garbage bag back in the can.)
grout sealer
a bottle of goo-gone
more cookbooks, and also some instructional dvds and videos (for things like my grain mill and sun oven)
packing tape
scotch tape
a big box of crayons for big, responsible kids who know what they're doing
in the black and red Avia shoebox are my craft supplies for kids. Things like watercolor paints, small boxes of crayons for little kids, fun stickers, glue sticks and colored pencils. Also the remnants of opened boxes of pens and mechanical pencils. Also a spare pencil sharpener. Also some extra leads and erasers for the mechanical pencils.
a super-duper, mega box of crayons that is only mine. Because I need that in my life. I don't know why, I just do. If I let you use crayons from this box then you'll know I really love you. And trust you.
extra, unopened boxes of pens, mechanical pencils, and highlighters.
almost every kind of glue you can think of: gorilla glue, krazy glue, super glue, E-6000, tacky glue, school glue, and gel glue for paper.
a bottle of white-out. Why do I have this?

None of this stuff is out of place - it all belongs here, and everyone in the family knows right where to go when they need one of these things. It's a strange combination. Sort of like a cooking/school supplies/office supplies/household supplies kind of place.

I need to get a couple of small trays or shallow baskets to keep my glues together. All those small bottles and tubes get jumbled around and it's hard to pull one out without knocking the others over or sending some falling down into the butter.

While cleaning out the cabinet this morning I discovered that I don't have any markers. I've had markers in my house since my Pretty Girl was a toddler. I'll write "markers" on my shopping list for the next time I go to the store. Because little Buttercup will soon be old enough to color with markers and it would be tragic for a Grammie to not have any. Have you seen these markers? You could die from so much cuteness:

(It has not escaped my attention that my blog has become boring. While recently suffering through an acute insomnia attack I was reading back over some old blog posts. I used to be more fun. More interesting. More...well... just more. Now I'm reduced to listing in great detail the contents of my kitchen cabinets. Maybe it's time to step away from the computer and have some real life? Somehow I seem to have lost my way.)

Lock, stock, and...

2011-02-09T11:43:00.000-08:00

...well, you know how the rest of it goes.

Remember this post?

I paid off that car today. It's all ours, and it feels good.

I'm re-reading The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey this week, trying to strengthen my resolve to live a different kind of life. It's hard to change your way of looking at the world but I'm doing it now while I have both time and a husband with a good job.

Needle-nose pliers, anyone?

2011-02-08T06:08:00.000-08:00

One Christmas, many years ago, I bought for Mr. Dub a set of tools. They were supposed to be his, but whenever I couldn't find my own screwdriver or hammer or pliers I raided his new tool set.

(In my defense, "my" tools - not to mention any of "my" other things - were and still are used by all the other members of my family who are not always conscientious about putting "my" things back where they belong. I put the word "my" in quotation marks because even though some things are definitely and inarguably mine, people say things to me like "Where is the label maker?")

The hard plastic case of Mr. Dub's tool set has always been too difficult to get into. It just wasn't ever an ideal set-up and then it broke. So getting in and out of his tool kit has been a problem, which of course makes putting the tools away correctly even less likely to happen. Something needed to be done but I didn't know what and I guess I thought we would just go on forever with things the way they were - tools scattered throughout the house and garage and nobody ever really able to lay their hands on what they needed without forming a search party.

I helped my neighbor have a garage sale a couple weeks ago. She had an old tool chest that once belonged to her late husband squirreled away in the depths of her garage and it was filled to the brim with all sorts of tools, junk, bits and pieces, and miscellany. I sold the contents of the tool chest to a guy whose wife, it must be said, looked none too pleased and then I bought the tool chest myself.

I haven't ever imagined myself owning a tool chest. It doesn't seem like something I would do. Sort of like buying old, beat-up stuff in other people's garage sales isn't something I would do.

But I brought it home, cleaned it up, lined the drawers with some cool, industrial-looking and quite grippy drawer liner, and organized Mr. Dub's tools into it. I'm hoping the grippy-ness of the liner will keep everything in place as the drawers are opened and closed. If it all starts sliding around in the drawers I'm going to be a little bit unhappy about it.

For now I love how it looks and I really hope it will be a more workable and permanent solution to storing and accessing our tools.

In my workbasket:

2011-02-07T05:31:00.000-08:00

A baby sweater for my niece's baby that's due in April.

It, and when I say "it" I mean the sweater, not the baby, has a pattern that I thought would be tricky but has actually helped me keep track of where I am in the pattern.

Next up: sleeves. Then putting it all together.

The mama specifically requested "no clothes" for the baby shower, but I choose to believe that she didn't mean "no hand-knitted sweaters". Because it really is true what they say: When you make something for a baby, you have time to think good thoughts about the little person it's meant for and you begin to love that baby, and all of that becomes part of whatever you are making for the baby.

Stocking up

2011-02-02T05:41:00.000-08:00

1 Timothy 5:8 - "If any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."

Those are pretty strong words from Paul, and I try to take them to heart. This past week Kroger had a really super amazing sale, and yesterday I finally got over there to get in on some of the deals.

I spent $119.82 and saved $73.75. A lot of items were half price, and some things were a third their normal price. We are a little further along in the effort to lay aside some food and money for a rainy day. I didn't go over the weekly grocery budget I had set for myself before I found out about the sale, which makes me feel quite victorious and rather smart today.

And then, without warning and with no apparent reason, this morning we had a widespread power outage for a while. It was short and uneventful but it brought home to me yet again how you can't always predict trouble, and that if you are prepared you have nothing to fear. A few cans of soup and vegetables stored away really can bring a little peace to your heart.

Sometimes it has to be pizza

2011-01-31T17:47:00.001-08:00

and sometimes it has to be homemade.

I love my homemade pizza crust. The dough is easy to make. Sometimes I just drizzle the top with olive oil and sprinkle on a little kosher salt and some grated parmesan cheese. Other times I add sauce and shredded cheese and toppings.

Pizza Crust
2 1/2 - 3 cups all-purpose flour
1 envelope (2 1/4 teaspoons) instant active dry yeast
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 cup warm water (Not hot or you'll kill your yeast, just nice and warm. If you're neurotic about it, you can use a thermometer. It should be 115-120 degrees.)

Mix 1 cup flour with yeast, sugar, salt, and oil. Slowly add warm water and beat on medium speed for 3 minutes. (If you are using a big mixer like a KitchenAid, change from the paddle to the dough hook for the next step.) Add enough of the remaining flour to make a soft but not sticky dough. Knead for 5-8 minutes or until dough is smooth and elastic. Cover with a clean dish towel or some cling wrap and let it rest for 10 or 20 minutes.

Roll out on a floured surface into a round shape that will fit on your greased pizza pan. If it's a small pan and you like thin crust you can probably get two out of this recipe. You can let it rest and rise for a bit, or bake it right away. I usually make one super ginormous pizza and let the dough rise for a thicker crust.

Prick the dough a lot all over with a fork. Bake at 425 degrees for 7-15 minutes depending on thickness of crust. It should be set and very lightly browned. Take it out and add a thin layer of sauce and toppings on the hot crust, then bake for 7-15 minutes more until cheese is bubbly and toasted and crust is golden-brown and cooked through in the middle.

Topping ideas:
Barbecue sauce (instead of tomato sauce), mixed cheese blend (cheddar and mozzarella is good) shredded rotisserie chicken, thinly sliced red onion (my personal favorite).

Taco sauce, taco meat, cheddar cheese. Add shredded lettuce and chopped tomatoes after baking.

No sauce, shredded mozzarella, sliced raw or roasted vegetables, any kind.

Sweet and sour sauce (the kind you would dip your egg rolls in), mozzarella, diced cooked chicken, thinly sliced green onions.

Be creative and use up the leftovers in your fridge to invent your own custom family favorites. It's pizza, for heaven's sake - you can't mess it up!

Well, actually, you can mess it up. I did, once. I got all healthful and crazy for a minute and used whole wheat flour instead of regular white flour. Tomato-y pizza sauce and whole wheat bread=definitely not tasty.

Remember a few days ago...

2011-01-28T05:22:00.000-08:00

...when I said this: "Waiting for it while you save up for it is gratifying in many ways"?

Yeah. It's true, if you are the one waiting and saving. It's not as gratifying for other people to wait while you save up for things they want.

My Little Prince told me the other day, when I asked him what kind of car would he like, that he would like a new car.

That kid is so cute. And so funny! A new car, sure. In some parallel universe (where James has different parents), James (or any of our kids) gets a new car, courtesy of his parents.

It's the end of an era

2011-01-26T09:59:00.000-08:00

Our good, old, faithful and trusty Windstar finally blew its head gasket on Monday.

It's done. Can we have a moment of silence?

(Actually, as I was cleaning out the desk yesterday I came across repair receipt after repair receipt after repair receipt. We sure did sink a lot of money into that old Ford.)

It was roomy and nice to have while all the kids were little, and the cargo space in the back was very convenient. A few times we pulled all of the seats out of the back and used it to move big stuff. That was nice. I don't know what we'll do for those situations now. I guess I'll have to make friends with somebody who owns a pickup.

I will be picking up James from school every day until we figure out something else. And while I love James and would do anything for him including picking him up after school every day, I have to tell you that it really cramps my style.

When the going gets tough...

2011-01-25T07:49:00.000-08:00

...the tough clean out a drawer.

I'm having a tough couple of days for no particular, serious reason other than just the ordinary aggravating kind of things that happen sometimes to everybody, and being on my own to deal with them while Mr. Dub is away on business.

You might remember that when I'm feeling down in the dumps and sick of the world that cleaning out drawers or closets helps me refocus my attitude and cheer up a bit.

Yesterday I began to suspect that a cleaning jag would be necessary. And when the desk drawer where I keep my bill-paying stuff wouldn't open this morning because of all the junk in it, I knew immediately which drawer was getting tackled.

I'm not completely finished yet - there are still some things to put in the long-term file box - but I've de-stapled and shredded and thrown away and organized until I'm in a much better mood.

There is no "before" pic, but here's the clean and easy-to-get-along-with "after"!

financial wisdom from the internet

2011-01-24T06:01:00.000-08:00

"It's not so important how much you make, it's how much you keep."

Finding beauty in simple things

2011-01-23T10:38:00.001-08:00

My cousin Jenna has on her blog a link to another blog - home and harmony. Which is where I learned all about another blog that recently highlighted the author's cleaning supplies shelf.

I admire the look of these ladies' homes. They are simple, lovely, and serene. Melanie even found a way to organize her cleaners, rags, and scrubbing brushes in a way that is beautiful.

Here's my problem: to get there from here where I'm at is a huge leap. And to make that leap would require the purchase of a lot of pretty bottles and jars and baskets and such. (Not to mention, much, much prettier soap.) Which I am not necessarily opposed to, I just don't want to do it right now while I'm trying to pay off some debts.

All of that left me feeling kind of defeated and hateful. But I decided to do what I can, with what I have, and see what I could come up with. With a plastic basket that I already own to corral the smaller items that tend to get knocked over a lot, along with a dust rag and a little effort, I tidied up my laundry closet. And even though it's not what you could call classically beautiful, and no interior design magazine will be dropping by to photograph it, my laundry closet is organized, neat, and tidy and everything looks cared for.

And in my opinion, it is the care you give something that can cast the beautiful glow on common, everyday kinds of things. It's like my mother used to tell me - if you can't have what you love, love what you have.

Thanks, Mom!

a new favorite

2011-01-22T06:23:00.000-08:00

Since chocolate started giving me heartburn a few years ago, I've started a love affair with chewy, sweet bits of dried fruit. Raisins, golden raisins, craisins, dried apricots.

Yes, please!

It doesn't get much better on a wintry Saturday morning than a homemade cinnamon roll with golden raisins and chopped walnuts.

One week still to go...

2011-01-21T20:42:00.000-08:00

...without him, and I really miss my Mr. Dub.

Getting back to pain...

2011-01-20T04:56:00.000-08:00

...but also back to anticipation and gratitude.

I mentioned here a couple of weeks ago that part of my plan for 2011 includes becoming more financially fit. I've studied and stared at and studied some more my plan to spend Mr. Dub's hard-earned salary. You do know what you call a plan to spend money, don't you?

It's called a budget.

One of the TV shows that I like to watch is Til Debt Do Us Part. The financial guru on the show is Gail Vaz Oxlade, who happens to be hilarious. She really tells it like it is, and I appreciate her sense of humor and outrage at the mess people get themselves into.

Recently on her blog she wrote about the Buy Now, Pay Later plans that people sometimes get sucked into, and why BNPL is harmful to your financial health. One thing she said really struck me, and here it is: "The biggest problem with BNPL is the ease with which people can take home stuff they have yet to pay for, making it feel like they got a special deal, and leaving them with the euphoria of purchase without the pain of payment as an off-set. Physiologically we need this balance to help us prioritize. Removing one side of the equation lets us delude ourselves."

Did you get that? She said physiologically. Not psychologically. Our bodies need the physical discomfort of letting go of money we earned in order to prioritize what our minds want to do. I think that's incredibly interesting.

One of the other tricks in her bag is to live on cash. To pay with cash for things like food, gas, entertainment, etc. To physiologically feel that pain as an off-set to the euphoria that comes with buying things, even things like groceries. I've been doing this for a couple weeks, and I see exactly what she means.

And while I am feeling the pain, I am also anticipating things. It's funny, actually, because now that I'm making myself plan for things instead of rushing out to buy them, I am enjoying the process of it all much more. I have "bought" myself time to find what I truly want rather than buying something because it's right in front of me. And I also feel much more grateful when I finally get the thing I've wanted because I've had to wait for it. It doesn't matter what the thing is that you want, whether it's a spool of fine silk thread or a new book or a new car. Waiting for it while you save up for it is gratifying in many ways.

It's been kind of fun and I believe it's developing my character. I'm learning, again, to not be a person who thrives on instant gratification. I am developing a little more self-discipline, and it's turned out to not be an ordeal. And far better to work on it now than to wait until I'm compelled to do it.

Right?

Ever heard of Joseph Addison?

2011-01-19T06:09:00.000-08:00

This is what he wrote:

When in the sultry glebe I faint,
Or on the thirsty mountain pant,
To fertile vales and dewy meads
My weary, wand'ring steps he leads
Where peaceful rivers, soft and slow,
Amid the cooling verdant landscape flow.

(Hymns #109, The Lord My Pasture Will Prepare)

Sultry glebe? Wow. It's hard to believe I haven't noticed that one before. I love it!

You know that show Hoarders...

2011-01-18T09:52:00.000-08:00

I can't remember if it was the TLC version or some other version (and YES I'm fascinated with these shows) but one of the psychologists asked the hoarder why the word "hoarder" upset her so much. The woman said that she thought of herself more as a "collector" than a hoarder.

The psychologist said something to the woman that has stuck with me. She said, "Collectors say to people, 'Come on in and let me show you my cool collection!', while a hoarder will go to great lengths to keep other people out of their homes and unaware of the mess. So, are you a collector or a hoarder?"

It had already been made clear that the woman had a long-time boyfriend/fiance that had never been in her home, and that other friends and family members hadn't been in there for years either.

I think that it's a good tool to use and something I hope to remember - can I say, "Come on in!" when I'm in the midst of defending my eccentricities?

oh, barnacles!

2011-01-17T18:43:00.000-08:00

I have this strange and unsightly thing that has recently appeared on my cheekbone right in front of my left ear. I went to the doctor today to get it checked out and he said it's benign, so that's good. It's called seborrheic keratosis. Or, colloquially, barnacles.

Nice.

Apparently you can get these things as you get into middle age. You can just leave them alone but since it's on my face, I want it off. Dr. Ermac said it's not a big deal and if it wasn't on my face he could have cut it off himself in his office. I have an appointment with a dermatologist in a few weeks to get it removed.

Is there no end to the bizarre and ugly possibilities?

Lessons from B

2011-01-16T16:40:00.000-08:00

I've been helping a lady in my ward clean out her house in anticipation of moving into some sort of retirement community. It's a sad job, and it's been made particularly difficult because one of the reasons she has to move is because she can no longer afford to live in her home.

We've sorted through a lifetime of possessions, files, memorabilia, clothing, inherited items, and other stuff and rubble.

Here's what I've learned from this adventure:

Don't buy trendy things. Stick to quality wardrobe and household items that will last for years without going out of style.
Be thoughtful about the things you purchase. Your children likely will not want your pile of "collectible" thingamajigs no matter how much you paid for them thirty years ago.
You will never get back what you paid for anything so make sure you love it on its own merits and not for what you perceive it to be worth.
Sentimental value will not increase the garage sale price.
Don't postpone the cleaning out of drawers, closets, cabinets, attics, etc. A stressful, sorrowful situation combined with a sense of urgency will make these jobs more difficult, not less.
Things are not a satisfying substitute for good relationships.
The acquisition, maintenance, and care of things is a both a burden and a blessing. Make sure your things add value to your life, not just more work. If they only add work, out they go and the sooner the better.

And the number one lesson I've learned from this is this - the kind of life you live when you are old and tired and possibly sick will be directly affected by the planning and preparation you do today and every day until then. You will get old. You will need more money than you think at a time in your life when your ability to earn money may be drastically reduced. Instead of buying the latest gadgets and toys and the most fashionable clothing and the most exciting vacations, save and invest your cash. Manage your resources carefully. It's wonderful and fine and desirable to enjoy life along the way, but oh my, be wise.

home dec

2011-01-15T21:26:00.000-08:00

Would you ever hire an interior designer to decorate your home?

A friend of mine gave me the January issue of Better Homes & Gardens for Christmas. It's awesome. It has lots of info about de-cluttering your home. And some really great pictures of fresh, new living room designs.

Here's the thing: my eye is drawn to the simple, clean, un-cluttered, neutrally-colored designs. But my house is full of richly-colored clutter. Whenever I decide that I'm going to make a new throw for my couch, I want it to be red, or blue, or green or brown. Not white and cream or gray. What would happen to all the needlework I've made? What about the things my friends and family have given to me that I have out "decorating" my home? My books, which I could never give up, even for the sake of home decorating, are all different sizes and colors. And where would Buttercup's toy box have to go?

I used to have a friend who moved from a regular, medium-sized, middle-class house into a mansion. Her old house had been decorated by her, and it was cute and funky and fun just like she was. Her new house, which was decorated by an interior designer was very beautiful and warm and expensive-looking. I never had the nerve to ask her which was the real her because it seemed like it might be a rude question.

But I wonder, if I hired an interior designer (which thing I cannot imagine myself doing in a million years) would my house turn into her house? Or would it still reflect me and my taste and my family?

I think my "taste" in home decorating is really more about what is comfortable, (no shin-busting coffee table, please) what is practical (no huge vases of fresh flowers dropping petals and pollen everywhere, please) and what is meaningful to me. I don't want some generic piece of art hanging on my wall just for the sake of having something there.

So it's something I'm trying to work out. We still need a new couch, but I don't see us buying one anytime in the near future. I'm truly okay with that, but duct tape will only take you so far.

Because it's tacky. I know that.

Sewing without gadgets

2011-01-14T04:56:00.000-08:00

Behold! A stem. I realize this is not the most exciting picture ever, but stayed tuned. That quilt block is about to get a lot more interesting.

Since one of my goals this year is to become more financially fit, I'm deliberately resisting the idea that I must acquire more, more, MORE of everything. There's a lot of back-story to this but I'll spare you all of that today.

In my quilting class on Wednesday one of the things we learned was how to make bias-cut stems. (In Baltimore Album-style quilts, there are lots of flowers, leaves, wreaths, and stems.) Making bias stems can involve the purchase of lots of little sewing gadgets - one for every size piece of stem or wreath - and all that stuff adds up to big $$$ in a hurry. Ka-ching!

My instructor taught us one way of doing it without all the extras. Hurrah! Not only do I not need to buy more stuff, I don't even have to get up out of my chair to do look for it.

I love being thrifty. It's probably lame, old-fashioned, and not chic, but oh well. I'll be taking my lame, ol' thrifty self all the way to the bank.

Yesterday...

2011-01-13T05:10:00.001-08:00

... I learned a cool new word - "lagniappe". It's a Cajun word, and I'll leave you to investigate its origins and such if you're interested, but it means to give a little something extra for good measure. For example, the 13th donut that comes along with the first 12 to make a baker's dozen is a lagniappe.

The context I heard it in was to "leave a lagniappe around your stitching line when you are hand-appliqueing."

(I wonder if I've read the word "lagniappe" somewhere before, because as soon as the quilting instructor said it, I saw it spelled out properly in my mind. Either that or I am just super good at spelling.)

I love the concept of lagniappe. I don't think I'll get to use the actual word much, because I'm way too self-conscious to use language that doesn't belong to my own culture, but I can use the idea of it in my life.

Giving a little something extra for good measure. Sweet.

Is it Hugh?

2011-01-12T04:45:00.001-08:00

Ever since Jon Bon Jovi got kicked off the secret boyfriend list I've sort of been looking for a replacement. (It should go without saying, of course, the wonderful Mr. Dub always occupies the #1 space in my heart.)

It's too early to tell, since the only thing I can recall seeing Hugh Laurie in is House, but he's a definite possibility. My mission over the next few weeks is to search for and review his work via Netflix. It takes more than just a pretty face (but oh my, what a pretty face!) to make it on to the secret boyfriend list.

A final decision will be made and posted.

Today

2011-01-11T06:20:00.000-08:00

Today I am at peace with everybody and everything. It feels good.

(Maybe I should stay away from all people and all things today so as not to shatter the mood?)

Hello, peeps.

2011-01-05T14:03:00.000-08:00

My bff D told me to update my blog already. So here I am. Call me dutiful.

I've decided to not make any resolutions this new year. I'm not the kind of person who forgets or abandons her resolutions by February, but I'm not perfect at following through either. Here is what I mean by not being perfect:

I am not perfect!
That's okay.
Publicly announcing that I'm aware I'm not perfect does not relieve me of the responsibility I have to improve my character.
I can do better without expecting perfection.
But only after taking responsibility for my own faults.

There is a person in my life who is driving me crazy. I mean, really bonkers. My bff D knows who she is and is very patient with my endless moaning and groaning about this person.

I've learned a lot from this crazy-driving person. Mostly how not to be later on down the road of life. (Don't you think a bad example can be as powerful as a good example?) When I've faced some of the devastating challenges that come with getting older, I am positive that I do not want to be like this person. I've been listening to her, and seeing her with the objectivity that only comes from an outside point-of-view.

If you identify yourself as a victim, if you think the world has handed you a rotten deal, if you think all your troubles lie in what has happened to you, you will never be able to get over it. You will have to wait around for someone to come along and save you, and by golly, I've noticed that everyone is pretty busy with their own crap.

Maybe you didn't trip and fall down - maybe you got knocked down. But you're down, aren't you? Whose job is it to get you back on your feet? Isn't it yours? If it's some other person's job to get you back up, then you are stuck down there wallowing around in the mud until they are ready or able or willing to do it.

No thanks. That is not for me. I believe that it is only when you take responsibility for the situation in which you either justly or unjustly find yourself that you can change your situation.

There is plenty of room for caring, understanding people to be loving and supportive and patient while you figure it out. I believe these people are vitally important in overcoming really hard struggles. I hope that I can be one of those people. Really hard things happen to people through no fault of their own, and there is no use denying or sugar-coating that. But you still have a responsibility to be in charge of your own destiny. No one else can do it for you, and honestly, do you want someone else to take charge of your destiny for you?

So here's what I'm working on for 2011 - financial and physical fitness, and strengthening my family relationships. I can do better than I've done in the past, although I probably won't be rich, thin, or popular by January 2012.

Because when I'm old, and that's not so far off, I don't want to have my options limited by the choices I made in the past. I don't want to be sitting around wondering and crying about how no one ever told me while there was still time to change that being fat, somewhat irresponsible with money, and mean would be detrimental to my future well-being.

Some things you ought to be able to figure out for yourself just by looking around.

WFD? 12/30

2010-12-30T16:35:00.001-08:00

Homemade cheeseburgers and Ore-Ida fast fries.

Because sometimes we need meat and potatoes for dinner.

WFD? 12/27

2010-12-27T17:45:00.000-08:00

Tacos a la Cucos!

WFD? 12/26

2010-12-26T18:57:00.000-08:00

Leftovers. We had barbecued pork, a bit of chili, and some turkey and mashed potatoes left from the past few days. It was a good day to empty out the fridge and get ready for a new week.

My kids stepped up to the plate this Christmas. I have had a nasty cold for the past couple of weeks and had some Relief Society jobs that took a lot of my time and energy and so I hadn't got around to decorating the house for Christmas. While Karie was here I baked the gingerbread and she and the boys decorated a gingerbread house for us. I think it turned out quite spectacularly.

Jake kept after me to put up the Christmas tree. I finally got around to hauling it down out of its storage spot and putting it together, and Jake and James put the ornaments on it while I rested. While I was gone somewhere Jake hung up all the stockings on the mantle and put out all the rest of our Christmas decorations around the house. I was pretty well shocked and amazed and so grateful for the great job he did - he obviously has been paying attention all these years and knew exactly where everything goes.

I am thankful that I have such wonderful family and friends who love me in spite of my shortcomings, and help me when I'm overwhelmed and faltering.

WFD? 12/25

2010-12-25T17:26:00.000-08:00

Cracked pepper turkey tenderloin, mashed yukon gold potatoes with turkey gravy, and buttered peas.

Merry Christmas!