Some things are just never going to happen

Usually by the end of summer my feet are suntanned. It's from going outside in my flip flops.

I have a funny flip-flop tan line.

But you know what? Instead of looking golden-brown or bronzed or sun-kissed or any of the other "pretty" adjectives people use to describe a suntan, my feet just look dirty.

I don't look good in a suntan. Which is just as well since I hate being outside in the blazing hot sunshine and suntans are very bad for you.