What I want right now

more than anything is to have one whole day where I don't have anyone expecting me to be somewhere or solve some problem or do any particular thing, but I could still manage to retain enough self-discipline and presence of mind to do something that I love. So that even though I might have a whole day without obligations to fulfill, it would still be productive and valuable and memorable.

The really ironic part is that I could choose almost every single day to do exactly that. It seems like at the end of every week I think that "next week is wide open for me - I can do this and that and finally get around to the other" and then Monday morning rolls around and my whole week, every single day, is filled nearly to the brim, and in the spare moments that do occur I seem to always choose "nap" or "Project Runway" or "facebook" instead of choosing to do something that I love which is productive and valuable and memorable.

I feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities offered to me, overwhelmed by the number of choices I have, and overwhelmed by the sight of so many people in so much trouble who really honestly do need attention and care and help.

It's 12:30 am. My steadfast Mr. Dub is out of town. It's been a tough week that included a car accident, a misunderstanding, a last minute this-is-going-to-take-all-night school project, an ambush by a swarm of mosquitoes, and high pollen levels. I'm itchy, tired, cranky, and a little bit lonesome. Those are bad circumstances in which to blog, and while I know that, I can't seem to help it tonight.