Friday, June 11, 2010

fluff and choices and overloaded circuits

When I logged in today, Blogger offered me additional options concerning my blog and its design. Fancy new backgrounds, fonts, layouts, templates, etc.

I don't want anything more complicated in my life than what I already have.

I used to read everything I could get my hands on. Cereal boxes, instructions on the proper way to use anything and everything, recipes, the phone book, books of any length and genre, billboards, letters, newsletters and notes from the schools, etc.

Now I don't want to read anything more complicated than a facebook status.

I used to be interested in what other people thought, felt, looked like, etc.

Now I just wish everyone would stop talking and go away.

I used to think abundance was blessed.

Now I just look around and think "Where did all this crap come from?"

Clearly I'm overloaded. I'm sure it's very anti-feminist but I know that my emotions are directly tied to the state of my house - when my house is messy and cluttered, my mind and heart are too. I'm beginning to feel that the opposite is true too - when I'm mentally and emotionally overwhelmed the housework suffers. And now it's become a vicious cycle.

It's not even that my house is a wreck, because it's not, but I can feel all the excess minutiae stuffed into the drawers, the closets, and under the beds. And frankly it is bumming me out and causing a lot of sleepless nights. I'm thinking it's definitely time to purge as I have never purged before...

I have to. I need to figure this out. Because lately, more and more often, I just want to hide. There are people who want to talk to me about big things and small things and fun things and sad things and I keep putting them off because I'm not ready to deal with what they have to say. I want to hide at home and clean up the mess and privately figure out how to be organized and efficient and effective.

But I'm just not sure how to get there from here. Do I need to suck it up and get with the program? Or am I in over my head? Or do I just need to learn how to prioritize and delegate better?

Is it all about learning new skills? Or is it about inherent abililty?


  1. Maybe you need to learn (or accept) that you can't clean up all the messes. That some messes you just gotta pick up the stuff in the middle, or make a path, or call in a team, or kindly suggest to the person a place to start... maybe point them to FlyLady.
    But if you need to give your purging urges a challenge/free rein, come on over! :o)

  2. Mother, I feel the same way about my apartment. I probably inherited this from you. I feel like my life is in shambles when there are dishes not washed or dirty laundry on my floor. Do you know how I deal with it?? I go take a walk outside. Or, play with my baby. Or, just do the dishes, or the laundry. Either do it or don't. Sitting and thinking about it will just drive you nuts. Not that I think you're just sitting around. But, seriously. Just have fun. Hell, you owe yourself. Wouldn't you say that you've done enough housework to last a lifetime??

    Go smell the flowers.

  3. Look how well you raised that little one, Amy...