Wednesday, March 7, 2012

something to ponder

I had a wonderful visit yesterday with a person I don't yet know very well. Part of my Relief Society job is to visit the women who have recently moved into our area.
  • To get to know them better.
  • To find out who they are.
  • To understand what's important to them.
  • To learn what is happening in their lives.

It's one of my favorite parts of the job, which is funny to me because I consider myself shy and unable to think of anything interesting or engaging to say to other people.

Which is part of my problem with my blog.


One of the things she said struck me as something I could do improve my life. One of her goals right now is to make more meaningful memories. It's no secret to anyone who reads this blog that I feel like my life is currently in flux. I can't get a grip on all the different lives and people swirling in and out of my life and my home. Everything feels temporary.

I find myself waiting for it all to resolve itself so I can get "back to normal". Which I think might be a mirage. I don't know. Does life ever get "normal"? Or will it always seem this way from now on, and I will someday find myself standing there thinking, "Wait, what? Why didn't anything happen?" and I will realize that I waited till the end to actually notice that I wasn't doing anything. Because there was something on tv or the internet that I was sitting there passively watching while life was moving on without me.

I want more meaningful memories. I don't want to look back and realize that I didn't have enough good times. What those good times are going to be I don't really know - I'll have to find something. There is a discontentment in my heart that cannot be filled with things.

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