I've known this one particular person for several years. I've seen her about once a month for that period of time and always in a meeting-type setting. But we've chatted a bit here and there after the meetings and I've heard her comment and contribute many times to those monthly meetings. I thought I had a pretty good handle on what kind of person she is and I liked her just fine.Yesterday I met her again in a different kind of situation. I went to a baby shower and she was there - it turns out that she is the mom of the young woman having the baby. I saw her in a completely different light.
I don't like her as much anymore. I feel like everything I thought I kind of knew about her is wrong. And it's bothering me. A lot.
I hope that she was just having a bad day and that her words and actions at the shower were atypical of her true nature. It wasn't anything outrageously horrible and there were no awful scenes and maybe I am overly sensitive at the current moment to other women who are in a grandmother role. But this woman wasn't interested enough or kind enough or loving enough to her daughter who is about to give birth to her first child. She was indifferent. I couldn't understand it and it made me sad for both of them. I hope so much that whatever was going on yesterday between that mother and daughter and soon-to-be granddaughter is temporary and easily repaired.
What I witnessed yesterday with those two ladies may have been nothing or it may have been everything between them. Either way there is a lesson in it for me about being kind and gentle with other people. I'm still trying to become the person I've always wanted to be. Just like this woman and her daughter are also undoubtedly doing as well.
Lessons to learn and relationships and people can be so complicated! I need to remember more often that we are all in the process of becoming, and we are all in it together. A little bit of sweetness and light can go a long way.
that sounds like a sad situation for sure. It reminds me of my favorite Marjorie Hinckley quote "Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle". ( I hope I got it right...)
ReplyDeleteI honestly think that most people dont even give a thought to the kind of person they want to be. They just exist - moment by moment - with no insight to themselves or others around them. Just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteSounds like the beginning of a 3-act play. You wonder what's going to happen, and surely what happened before.
ReplyDeleteI usually feel so far removed from the person I would love to be that I feel as though I'm a fraud--and hope everyone doesn't notice!
I hope you're wrong about her. You never know what happened 5 mins before she walked through that door that was on her mind. I hope she wasn't indifferent to her daughter and to-be grandchild. But I always hope for the best in my always optimistic outlook I am blessed/cursed with.
ReplyDeleteJust prior to the shower, this lady found out that her father has cancer and only has a few months to live. She has always been so close to him and it just breaks her heart to think about it. She's pretty much obsessed with it right now and her daughter wants and needs her mother's undivided attention right now and this poor woman just can't give it to her.
ReplyDeleteAs just about everyone knows, her husband has been cheating on her for over a year. He told her last week that he's leaving her and filing for divorce. She never thought that would be her fate. She thought they would be married until they died. Her daughter thinks she should have seen the signs long ago.
The daughter has had a dog for about half her life. She got him for her 10th birthday. He's been pretty sick lately and just a couple of days ago, this lady took the girl's dog to the Vet and had him put down. She thought by doing it when her daughter wasn't present that it would be easier on her, but it backfired...the daughter was furious and has been crying about her beloved dog ever since. Mother and daughter have been on the outs for a couple of days.
We never know what is going on in the lives of others. I hope this lady is a good woman and a good mother and all will be well in the end.
As for your thoughts on being the kind of person you want to be, I think a lot of people work on that. I've always had a bad temper and I've worked my entire adult life on changing that. I think I've been successful.