I got a lovely email today from a friend who moved away a few months ago.
Among other things she said she loved my blog and that some of my entries made her laugh her head off. I liked hearing that. Making people laugh is what I'm here for. Making people laugh warms my heart and feeds my soul.
Sometimes I try for a joke that falls flat and boy howdy do I feel stupid and ridiculous and embarrassed and humiliated when that happens. It almost makes me vow to never try for funny or light-hearted again.
But I always come back to it. I can't help it. Humor lightens the mood and makes things easier to bear.
Anyway, I was sitting here, enjoying the email, and I realized that sometimes when I'm feeling the dreadful insomnia most intently I do this weird and inexplicable thing: I check my email every minute. For quite a while. I'll read a news article and check my email. I'll play a round of Word Whomp and check my email. I'll feed all my fish in Fish World and check my email. I'll see if anyone has posted anything new on Facebook and check my email.
It's like an obsession and a compulsion.
There's never anything new in my inbox. All of my friends and family are sleeping at 1 or 2 or 3 am. None of them are awake, thinking "You know, I bet AmyDubDub would really like to hear my thoughts on whatever right now in the middle of the night. I'll dash off a note right now". They never do that.
And that makes me woeful. Does anybody else periodically do this repeated email checking thing or is it just another one of the wonderful eccentricities that make me the fun-loving, sleepless, and just a little bit lonely person that I am?
When I was a little girl my mom said to me one time that if I wanted to get letters from people, I had to send letters to people.
Something for me to think about. I have thought about writing email to other people when I can't sleep. I've even tried it a few times. But I've discovered something about myself and that is: when I'm exhausted and sleepless and anxious and middle-of-the-night lonely, it's never the right time to express myself in writing. My neuroses and hypocrisies and negative feelings are too evident. You don't want to share that kind of stuff in written form where it might be saved and printed off and passed around at family reunions.
Because that is just not the kind of laugh I'm looking for.
yep, you're not the only one. :o)
ReplyDeleteOh boy, I do it too. Checkcheckcheck my email. Almost never anything new, especially so late at night.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we should be middle-of-the-night-email buddies
Amy - My philosophy is, if it makes you laugh when you think it, say it, blog it...it's funny, whether anyone else gets it or not. I love humor. It's how I make it through the tough times. That, and being grateful for all the wonderful things around me. A quote I like to remember is, "The seeds of depression cannot take root in a grateful heart."
ReplyDeleteAs for insomnia, go to new.familysearch.com, get busy there, and you'll either enjoy your time awake or get so tired you'll fall asleep.
Hunky Bob is just full of advice. As Grammy would say if she were reading this, "That's not all Bobby's full of."
Amy, I am glad I found your blog. I have always thought you are really funny. I also love to make people laugh, because it fills my feel good about myself bucket. And I too check my emails like crazy all day long... it's kinda of joke, but it's my only outlet of the day. Sometimes Abby will say "Mom you just checkin' your email again?" PATHETIC!!
ReplyDelete